I find myself wanting to say something stupid, sexist, racist and wrong just so she'll come back and hand me my ass with Jamaican jerk sauce on it.

This made me gasp with laughter and then tear up again.

part of me believes that some kind of transhumanist magic has happened and now she is living in the site.

If River Tam can be Serenity, then ita can certain sure be the Phoenix Board.

It was Amazon. A book they deleted from kindles.

That's a lovely idea, Allyson, and thank you, Ginger, for making it happen.

Shrift, I have a 3.5" USB drive if that could be of use.

I've been at work since 10am and am waiting in the train to go home now. I'd like to think ita would appreciate the effort I've put into not crying at work.

DXM!!! I am so happy to see you.

Ginger, you are truly the best. Let me know if you would like help, I have the time and would be so very happy to contribute.

Allyson, you are truly incredible and I know we all love you for bearing this.

Fuck

I don't know how long it's been since I've been here, but John just told me the news. That's absolutely fucking devastating; ita was one of the best people on the internet. One doesn't meet many actual superheros in life.

Hi, all. (X-posted with Natter)

I'm skipping to the end of the thread (but will go back and read every damn word of it. Your posts mean so much) to let you know that I'm awake because it's daytime in Israel, and if anyone wants to talk by email or here or by phone then I am here and please, please, please, reach out. I love you and I don't want you to be alone in this.

Profile addy is good.

Q. ita? ITA!? Where the hell are you, ita?

A. Shh. Calm down! Jeez. ITA is 'I totally agree.' ita, at whom you should not shout, is this unspeakably cool chick who likes knives and built the Phoenix Board by willpower alone. She is a 'charming Jamaican/Canadian/British thang' and we all want her and want to be her.

Yeah.

Something I remember thinking when I was in the hospital that I mean to share here and didn't get around to because the wifi was spotty and my consciousness sporadic: when I found out that i'm allergic to oxycodone and all the related pain meds i was prescribed dilaudid for post-surgery pain management. My one and only reference for dilaudid was ita! and her miserable experiences. I expected everything related to it to be a struggle in self-advocacy and was utterly shocked when it totally wasn't. They gave me that stuff like it was pudding or jello-cups (albeit in carefully measured and timed doses) and sent me home with a full bottle. Refills were irritating in the way that anything requiring a paper scrip is irritating, but the only hassle i ever got was from the pharmacy, never from the drs or nurses. I know that my situation was vastly different (post-surgical temporary usage for a middle class white lady) and oral dosage is regulated differently than iv dosage but it also pissed me off a little it was so damned easy for me to get every granule of pain meds i needed while she had to fight so damned hard and it still wasn't enough. Not even close to enough. And it's not like she wasn't a fighter, not like she didn't know every rule and jump through every hoop and make every phone call and appointment...so why wasn't all of that enough? Why couldn't all those doctors find what was wrong and FIX IT??

And sorry for the anger venting but seriously, that shit is fucked up. I don't know how she made it through so many days with so much pain. I don't know she managed to write, or draw, or think, or move, or sit upright. And I'm pissed off at how much she didn't get to do and enjoy because of it.