I didn't even realize it was back! Or maybe it's just not back on wherever I was streaming from over the summer.

I’m watching on the CW site

And now I'm caught up, and saw The Thing.

Tumblr's not, I would say, wrong

I would have written it differently, but canon is canon I suppose.

Confessing a crush with no response does not a cherished wish make true.

We decided to catch up tonight. I told the whole tale of woe on my Twitter. To skip to the end, my TiVo acted up in the middle of Castiel's speech . Luckily, I recorded it on another TiVo that didn't fail me. The interruption and ensuing frustration broke the mood for me, although I did tear up . I will watch it again with DH and probably have more coherent thoughts, when it isn't 3:30ish a.m.

Bev, I am trying to handwave it as just saying it out loud made him happy without regard to any response, but I can’t make a strong case

Cynically, it was a bone tossed to a specific faction of the fandom. Not everything they wanted, but some acknowledgement. Ackles has been adamant since Cas' appearance that friendship, brotherhood, was as far as he was prepared for Dean to go. That has never wavered, no matter how much they call him homophobe (he is not, and has unnecessarily proved it IRL times over). For a swan song performance, Collins threw everything into the scene. For me it was a change from wood-carved Cas that's been onscreen since S5 or so, so even though OTT, it made a nice change.

And finally, as I grow weary of repeating, romantic love is not the top of the love pyramid. There are many forms, and several are as important as romantic love. Had there not been ultimate certainty it would be taken awry, Dean might have agreed he loved Cas too, but not in this fandom.

Also, less cynically I can see where telling Dean he was one of the primary humans who'd taught Cas about humanity, and love. That Cas' love included family, as well as the human race, and he was grateful for that. That he loved Dean, as he loved humanity, and was grateful to have learned, and grateful to Dean for teaching him and showing him the depths and breadth of human experience.

But honestly I think the writers were far more giggly snide than that.

Bob Berens, who scripted 15.18 episode, is gay, and I don't believe he approached it from a giggly, snide angle. That's not an attempt to try to gage the feeling overall in the writers room, though.

Did anyone watch 15.19, tonight? Even though it wasn't, it felt like a series finale to me. DH and I started to second guess ourselves, but I knew it was supposed to end on 11/19 with a two-hour broadcast.

One thing I don't get * is why, when Jack restored the whole world to life, he didn't bring back Charlie 2, Bobby, Eileen, etc. Now maybe since they're from another reality, he did or will bring them back in their own world that's been righted. I don't know. I guess like I felt that at least Donna and Eileen should have come back though, since Chuck just wiped them out last episode. Maybe Jack did bring them back, but I kind of don't feel like it. * I teared up when * Sam and Dean would not stay down. I felt like the writers had Chuck comment on it too many times, though. We get it, Show. We've been watching for 15 seasons. *

I was also misty at the montage set to Jackson Browne's "Running On Empty." I could have stood for the show ending there. Plot aside, I like the idea of the boys being free. Now I'm just afraid they'll die in the series finale (even though part of me thinks they should, from a narrative perspective).

What did you think?

I checked out somewhere in the sixth season. After that, I would check in if someone was mentioning an episode. So rather than trying to catch up on 9 years of episodes, I started with the most recent and worked my way back.

I’m not going to even be able to work my way through this way. SPN lost me for good and I don’t say that with any spite or joy.

The first few years, SPN was the only thing that brought me out of my Angel depression. Angel’s finale still hurts. But after my series cancellation education all these years, I discovered something that made all the difference. I can CHOOSE my own series finale. Especially, with a show that has gone on for 15 years. I will watch the series finale that show chooses for me. I will accept whatever happy or sad that they throw at me, but I have already picked MY series finale. I had my moment of true happiness and got my soul back.

So do whatever you want and kill whomever you want in the last episode. I’ll go back and watch 14. X (because I don’t remember Lebanon’s episode number) and that is where it ends for me.