Aimee, peace and strength to all of you.

Jesse, it sounds like you went to court camp.

I'm hitting a wall. 9am - midnight every day is too much. I need to find a quiet place to close my eyes for 15 minutes.

Timelies all!

My deepest sympathies to you, Aimee, and the family.

Got a call just now on my cell phone that was thankfully a wrong number. Calls in the middle of the work day are always anxious-making, so I grabbed the phone and said Hello. This thin, female voice gasps and mumbles something. I'm thinkng, "Fuck, it's a nurse or somebody from Huntsman with bad news." So I ask who is it, and I get another gasp and mumble. "Who is this?" I snap. With an apparent supreme effort, Female manages to say "Is this mumble-mumble?", where none of the mumble sounds anything like my name. I say No, she mumbles and hangs up. I hold the phone for a bit just to see if I get another call, and fortunately she didn't.

bah

Connie, I hate calls like that in general, but with what you have going on in your life - grrrrrr.

I need some advice. When someone is saying "I can't tell you why I'm mad, you have to figure it out for yourself. If I tell you, then any apology doesn't count". Beyond the zillion sarcastic comebacks - I need a real way to respond. Though, honestly, this is so childish, I don't think it warrents a response. Unfortunately it is someone I can't just dismiss.

YOu may not be able to dismiss them, but it sure as heck sounds like this person is dismissing you.

I need some advice. When someone is saying "I can't tell you why I'm mad, you have to figure it out for yourself. If I tell you, then any apology doesn't count". Beyond the zillion sarcastic comebacks - I need a real way to respond.

"I'm sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I would very much like not to do it again, however, I fear that this whole situation is rife with miscommunication. In order to prevent this situation from getting worse, will you please tell me how I have erred, and I will do my level best to correct it and not repeat it."

Alternately, "We are no longer in fifth grade, and I do not have ESP. Tell me what I did wrong, and I'll fix it. Don't tell me, and I'll probably do it again."

When someone is saying "I can't tell you why I'm mad, you have to figure it out for yourself. If I tell you, then any apology doesn't count".

Wow, that's really manipulative and childish.

I guess all I could say, if I were in a situation where I couldn't dismiss it, would be something along the lines of, "I genuinely can't figure it out, and I'm sorry that I'm unable to do so. I want to apologize and make things right, but if you can't meet me halfway and tell me why you're mad, then we seem to be at an impasse."

t edit Oooh, I like juliana's better.

If you never intended to make someone angry, it's hard to know what you did. I would simply say that, and that the person matters to you, so you want to clear it up.

The only suggestion I have, Suzi, is the sort of non-apology that I used to ask for (though rarely receive) from the young men in my (also young at the time) life when they said they didn't think they had done anything wrong. I suggested, "I'm sorry that something I said or did made you upset/feel bad/whathaveyou." Not actually admitting wrongdoing, but expressing regret that something you (inadvertently) said or did caused them to respond negatively/feel bad/whatever. May not be sufficient in your case since you're apparently also required to intuit the cause of the hurt, but maybe it's a start?

eta Had to step away before I hit "post" - Juliana's is better, I think.

Thanks. Lots of good suggestions. There was a mistake that is at the heart of this but an apology was issued as soon as it was identified and when corrective measures were suggested they were dismissed and everything went to shit.

I'd love to just not deal but it is a family thing. Not ready to have that tie completely cut yet. Yet.