JZ, there's a line in Gaudy Night where Harriet says that you can't like someone better just because they're ill or dying.

I see forgiveness sort of as giving up the right to revenge.

I like that. Well phrased. I've been musing on the subject of forgiveness a lot the last few months, mostly in the context of my grandmother. To me, forgiveness always felt the same as saying that it didn't matter; they did me no real harm, everything's all right. That's what forgiveness always is to people like my grandmother: they don't care how you feel, they just want to be absolved of all wrongdoing. Forgiveness means they don't have to change. I've had to learn new definitions of forgiveness before I could figure out if I could forgive at all.

Amidst all the serious talk about forgiveness and what we want to do with our lives, I just want to mention that Beverly has me cackling about poop demons and that just now I totally forgot that I'd left up a French sex toy site on the big monitor, which is entirely work related but perhaps inappropriate for visitors.

I killed Natter with sex toys.

It's PMM's birthday today, right?

Oh, man. It looks like a police officer was killed this morning in a shootout with a wingnut with a gun (who was also killed). That's so rough.

t edit Apparently this was the first officer killed in the line of duty since 2000. Dang.

Well, I had a much-needed uplifting conversation with a longtime community activist after the grants class I taught this morning, and then came downstairs to pouring rain and a police officer death.

Also, I am so tired of the soupy humidity and pouring rain this week.

Oh, msbelle, you'd fit in so well here!

Oh, hey. There's a gas leak outside and we're not allowed to leave the building.

I have often lamented my lack of Rebecca nearby as I would lean on you far too much for help sorting through the piles of crap stacked about my life. But I do not picture you in LA, whereas I can easily see you in Baltimore. Wherever the future takes you.

JZ, I feel about forgiveness as many others around here do (huh, fancy that!). I don't think forgiveness is always owed to those who have wronged us. You don't have to do the hard emotional work of forgiving someone who has never bothered to ask for it, even if they are dying. But it seems like what you want is closure, to be able to bury your anger and not carry it with you after she's dead. But that's about you and what you need, which seems far more the way to think about it. It sounds like you are already moving in that direction, towards taking stock and letting go.

It IS PMM's birthday! Happy birthday, Plei!