Although it took me months to realize that when she says "feel free to..." she really means "DO THIS." As in "feel free to remove the comment boxes before you return the file" means "you should remove the comment boxes etc."
It's funny, because I feel like I have the opposite problem: When I ask colleagues (not people who report to me) if they can do a certain thing by a certain time, I am actually asking if that is possible, not giving them an order. I am always surprised when they take it as an order.
Oh man, Sophia -- that is totally what I'm talking about!
Hah. Yep. I'm totally a guesser, though if someone is upfront about being an asker, I can codeswitch.
I am guilty of the "You may want to do X" also but generally it is when I want the person to do X but there isn't a specific process or procedure guideline that requires them to do X that I can point to. I also used to use the "feel free" or "you can" language when I wanted to them to do something but knew it wasn't really critical and was trying really hard not to micromanage. When I'm supervising people in a job that I have a lot of experience with and can do well, providing feedback that is helpful without being obnoxiously directive is tricky. Knowing all of this about myself is why I always tell new hires to ask specific questions if they don't understand something I tell them - I know how frustrating it is to not know what is expected.
I am much better about dealing with askers now that I understand it, and I actually try to assess my student workers to figure out which they are and I try to give really clear directions to them.
I got better at everything once I realized not everyone in the world thought exactly as I did!
In totally unrelated news, this is probably good news for someone.
Good luck, ND! And yay Maria!
Jesse I totally had that happen one time--this coworker was all "could you help me with (task) by doing X by tomorrow afternoon?" And I was all "yeah, I could probably do that". And he flipped out that I hadn't given him a yes or no. Whereas I was like "say what you mean! If it's "I need x done by tomorrow afternoon and I will not be able to do it. I need you to do it instead, unless you can justify other tasks" then say so! (He was not my boss. Though he may have thought he was. He had anger issues, and a few months later, at my new job, I was like "oh hello don't hire him!!")
Because I'm used to "feel free" meaning "hey, do this if you want," like "I made some pie; feel free to have a piece!" That totally doesn't mean "YOU SHOULD EAT PIE NOW!"
...or does it?)
For one of my co-workers it does. If she bakes something and brings it into the office, she'll offer it repeatedly and then hover over you until you've eaten it. There are days when I have to bite back "I DON'T WANT A DAMN MUFFIN!"
