what they all said, very much, Steph.

::hugs lisah:: I'm sorry your job is being so awful.

Good news, Maria! Although boo to the other fuckery.

I know that feeling, Jesse. Sometimes motivating myself is the hardest thing to do.

Yay! Maria!!!!

If you can afford to leave a job you are unhappy in, then do.

Maria, I'm glad you have one thing off your plate.

Teppy, the way you have described your issues with this job, I think your talent and hard work are not the real question. I think the real question is, what the hell is wrong with the person who gives you your assignments but cannot be bothered to communicate clear guidelines for what is expected. It isn't that you do not know how to do the things she wants you to do, it is that you do not know precisely which things those are. These are not reasonable expectations. You get paid to edit, not to read minds. Obviously your boss's communication style and yours do not match, and if the situation is making you unhappy, it is time to move on. As to whether anyone else on the planet matches your boss's communication style, I would speculate, no and good luck to her finding someone who can do better than you.

I'll agree with the others, life is too short in stay in a job that's making you miserable.

Yay, Maria! Some good news today.

No kidding, though I'm scared about the potential tax implications. If I'm reading things correctly, I may be able to use the insolvency exception (without actually declaring bankruptcy).

Wow. Just wow.

As to whether anyone else on the planet matches your boss's communication style, I would speculate, no and good luck to her finding someone who can do better than you.

Well, there's a freelance staff of more than just me, so apparently some people have figured this stuff out. I don't know. Not everybody can be equally good at everything, and I guess I've found my limit.

If you can afford to leave a job you are unhappy in, then do.

Yeah, and so I need to figure out what to do next. I'm back to not knowing what I want to do or even how to go about finding that job even if I knew what I wanted to do.

I used to think I was good at stuff, but I really don't have that kind of confidence any more. I'm convinced I'm completely unemployable. Which is probably not true. But in addition to thinking I'm completely unemployable, I'm paralyzed by not knowing what to do next.

Good news, Maria!

Is there virtue in staying at a job that makes me cry, just so I can prove I'm not a quitter?

Nope. The reason to stay in a job that makes you cry is because you need the money.

You're completely employable. You're employed now! Just because you hate it doesn't make you not employable.

My only other thought here is about how long it takes to get comfortable. When I was in my 20s, a friend said to always give a job four months before you decide if you like it. Now I realize it actually takes me a year to get my head around a new complicated job. Not that I'm not doing the work, and looking fine to my boss and stuff, but it's really a year before I feel deeply that I get it.

I have been walking around with my sweater on backwards all day. Just noticed.

My only other thought here is about how long it takes to get comfortable. When I was in my 20s, a friend said to always give a job four months before you decide if you like it. Now I realize it actually takes me a year to get my head around a new complicated job. Not that I'm not doing the work, and looking fine to my boss and stuff, but it's really a year before I feel deeply that I get it.

Yeah, my boss told me more than once that it usually takes a new editor 18 months to get fully up to speed. I've only been editing 7 months. I don't know if she realizes it's only been 7 months, because I'm the only editor who was a copyreader first. (Meaning, I keep wondering if she thinks my time as a copyreader should count in those 18 months. And maybe she does, but that would be crazy.)

But I don't know if I really want to put up with 11 more months of this (where "this" means "I will tell you one thing that sounds reasonable and then later point out how you are not meeting standards because you have been doing the thing I told you to do" [which happened again today]).