I have a proposal to write that is theoretically due tomorrow (...or Monday), and I still don't have the details of what we're actually doing. So I have several pages of context and blah blah that I should be shaping up into a coherent argument that the details can just be slotted into, but that is also like pulling teeth! Just with myself, instead of with other people. Oy.

Submitted for your approval.

So, work-wise, how do you know the difference between giving up on a job because it's too hard and you can't handle it, versus choosing to move on because it's not a good fit?

Or does the difference matter?

I don't want to be someone who just gives up because something is hard and I'm not trying hard enough (or good enough). But maybe it's stupid to stay at a job that's too hard. And I can't tell if it's too hard or it's just not a good fit for me.

But maybe the difference doesn't matter if the end result is the same.

Steph, right now I have absolutely no perspective to give you a rational answer to that question, so I'm not even going to try. I do wish you clarity and a little peace of mind that things resolve themselves in the best way possible.

I'm leaning toward -- the difference doesn't matter if the end result is the same. I'm not sure what the point is in sticking with a job that feels like an uphill struggle and makes me cry at least once a week, just because I don't want to admit I don't have the skills to be good at this job. I'm afraid I'm a quitter, that I'm not willing to stick with something that's make-me-cry-weekly hard.

People leave their jobs all the time, so there are valid reasons to do that, right? Not a good fit, wanting to pursue a different path, wanting more opportunities. But "it's too haaaaaaaard" feels like the wrong reason. Like, if it's hard, then WORK HARDER.

And I legitimately can't tell if I want to quit because it's too hard or because it's not the right fit for me. But then I come back to: does the reason matter? Is there virtue in staying at a job that makes me cry, just so I can prove I'm not a quitter?

People leave their jobs all the time, so there are valid reasons to do that, right? Not a good fit, wanting to pursue a different path, wanting more opportunities. But "it's too haaaaaaaard" feels like the wrong reason. Like, if it's hard, then WORK HARDER.

I am so sorry that you're struggling with this because it so closely mirrors my own feelings about my work right now. And it sucks. And my brain just turns on me so quickly. I can't stop thinking that I'm a stupid failure.

I know I've seen plenty of evidence that you're a terrific editor. Maybe this job requires a level of subject matter expertise that you don't have right now or you are just being given tasks that you are perfectly capable of completing but not the time or resources to do so. Either way your job shouldn't make you cry and plenty of employers would really value your skills and work ethic. There is zero reason to stick with this if it's making you miserable. There is no virtue in suffering like that. You are worthy of a job where you and your work are valued.

I need to be able to internalize that message myself. So badly.

Ultimately, I don't see a difference. Life is too short to be that unhappy with a job.

Holy shit. Bank of America has approved the deed in lieu of foreclosure. I'm giving back the house in MD. I'm stunned.

I struggle with that sort of thing more outside of work, but I hear you Steph. We're so indoctrinated to think that if we just TRY HARDER we can do anything and the reality is, no, we cannot. I'm all for putting in the effort for something you WANT to accomplish even though it is hard, but making yourself cry just because you don't want to be a quitter is unnecessary.

You can't just grow some goddamn wings through sheer willpower, you know?

Not sure if any of that makes sense outside my head.

Short answer - you don't have to justify leaving a job that makes you miserable. Making you miserable is sufficient reason to bail.

ETA: you too, lisah.

Ultimately, I don't see a difference. Life is too short to be that unhappy with a job.

This. Life obviously is really short. Make the most with the time you have and don't worry about the narrative of it.