but one of my own cats tries to run or struggle and the other freaks out like I'm going to toss her into a woodchipper.

Matt, some cats just cannot bear to be held. Sammie hates to be picked up or held. I think the only time she did not struggle to get away from being held was that rainy day when I first heard her meowing from up in a tree. I think A) she was cold and needed my warmth, and 2) knew she was going home. Now, 13 years later, struggles to get out of my arms like I might be hungry for cat flesh. Her idea of snuggling is to lie near by, and let me put one arm next to her. She isn't a lap cat, she's a lap desk cat. Confining physical contact just does not work for her, and she shows her affection and trust in other ways.

Those cats of yours are Siamese, aren't they, Matt?

I think Jackson's father must have been Siamese, but while he has the coloring he's stocky and relatively mellow-he only gets vocal and needy around feeding time in the morning. Molly's father is the aforementioned chill black alleycat, and their mother is a solid gray shorthair who's since disappeared.

Question for the cat-knowledgeable: Finn and new kitty are still getting along, hanging out, playing, and generally being buds, but Finn is still barely eating. Is that normal, given the disruption in his routine?

Are you still feeding them in separate rooms? It could be that Finn just doesn't want to lose track of Spidey. Maybe try feeding them within sight of each other?

Matt, some cats just cannot bear to be held

Miss Erzabet No Biting, who will cry until I let her under the blanket on my lap, or who will herd me to a chair so she can sit on my lap and be cuddled, HATES being picked up. Picking up is VERY BAD for Erzabets, and must not ever be done.

Susan, we should grab coffee and commiserate. I swear.

I see kids of all ages with all kinds of accounts so these are my passing not parental thoughts

I think if you can monitor it, it might be ok. She deals with some 14 yr old stuff, but maybe you can make it clear to her that you are concerned about the over 18 stuff ( or over 21 ) and that will make you shut it down.

I don't know if you have any limits on screen time/computer time. if she gets an hour a day on the computer - keep that limit in place - so she has to make choices?

and if she is like a lot of the smart geeky kids i know ( and I was like ) most are pretty self censoring because there were things we didn't want to deal ( sex in stories was boring, uberviolence was unfun , etc)

maybe a few rules - like avatars are ok, but no real pictures - that sort of thing

All of my cats learn to be handled, because it has to happen. However, that is not always a painless or 100% perfect project

Man, we were all about the sex and uberviolence in our tweens.

In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have been reading and watching what we were, but hey.

PM, that is my thought too. A 12, I was reading a lot of John Jakes books. And watching Clint Eastwood. Both with my parents knowledge.

My kids are super self censoring. They didn't make it through Guardians of the Galaxy because too scary for them. Hell. There are some Odd Squads on PBS that they will only watch if we sit with them.

I read Flowers in the Attic on the bus on the way to 7th grade, which in retrospect was not a good choice. Casper hates it when I swear, so I think she's kind of self-censoring for now. Dillo (8) is scared to watch Apollo 13 at the moment because he thinks it will be scary. (But he swears like whoa, so.)

I was reading Harlequin and Silhouette romances in the 7th grade. A friend and I had a subscription where they would send us 4 books a month, so I assume Mom knew I was reading them.