Ugh, I am so frustrated. My boss gives me feedback on my work (and "feedback" means "here is what you did wrong"), which I absolutely need in order to improve. But she tells me some things like "Insert [this information] here; this is in the [vaguely named link] in the database," and the thing is, I am *positive* that she had never told me about [vaguely named link] before.

Which is where I need to note there is no real handbook or orientation for freelance editors -- or, at least, there hasn't been for me; when I started editing, my boss just sent me articles and then gave me feedback like "insert standard author query here," even though I had no idea what "standard author query" was (because, as I said, there was no handbook/orientation, so I didn't know "standard author query" even existed). And then I would have to ask what it was and where I might find an example of it so that I could use it, which made me feel like a giant ignorant ass.

So at this point I don't even know how to reply to her when she says "Insert [this information] from [vaguely named link]." Do I bother to say "Hey, I had NO IDEA what the purpose of [vaguely named link] was; should I just click every fucking link in the database?" (There are close to 50 links, so that would be sort of crazy.)

I mean, if I said that, it would be worded professionally. But I feel like if I say that, it comes across as a cringing attempt to explain away why I'm doing what appears to be a half-assed job. I can't DO my whole job if I don't know everything it encompasses, and I sure the hell don't KNOW because no one has ever told me.

One might think the AMA is professional and organized, but the freelance division, not so much.

Scrappy- thank you.

I am going to try to focus on what I am getting done, not all that remains.

This morning: load of laundry in, litters cleaned and refilled, dishes washed, 5 letters to PO, and packed my lunch.

Oh and remembered to bring the lunch which is no small thing.

My brain is still a no fly zone. Lots of faking it til I make it and tears when I breathe wrong.

But I feel like if I say that, it comes across as a cringing attempt to explain away why I'm doing what appears to be a half-assed job. I can't DO my whole job if I don't know everything it encompasses, and I sure the hell don't KNOW because no one has ever told me.

Right -- it's not an attempt to explain away anything, it's an attempt to get the information you need, which your client clearly thinks you already have, but you don't. Just ask.

Home today because getting to work in the morning and back home in time for an afternoon doctor's appointment was going to be too much hassle.

Today is the first day in 2015 that I feel like an actual person instead of just a blob.

But I feel like if I say that, it comes across as a cringing attempt to explain away why I'm doing what appears to be a half-assed job. I can't DO my whole job if I don't know everything it encompasses, and I sure the hell don't KNOW because no one has ever told me.

Right -- it's not an attempt to explain away anything, it's an attempt to get the information you need, which your client clearly thinks you already have, but you don't. Just ask.

Well, the problem is that I don't realize I wasn't told to do XYZ until after I don't do it and get feedback that says "Do XYZ here." And now that she's told me, I know. I just worry that she thinks I'm ignorant and/or lazy for not doing XYZ because I should have known to do XYZ. I don't think she knows she didn't tell me (which is ridiculous, because she knows she never actually provided any kind of orientation/training).

I guess what I'm saying is, to avoid these kinds of problems in the future, I would have to ask her right now, "What haven't you told me yet?" Because I don't know what to ask about, because I don't know of the existence of XYZ until I don't do it.

Does that make sense?

And is there any point in replying to her that I didn't know about XYZ, which is why I didn't do it, or does that make me sound like I'm making excuses for doing a half-assed job? Because to me, it sounds like I'm making excuses, even though I know I'm not.

I don't think she knows she didn't tell me (which is ridiculous, because she knows she never actually provided any kind of orientation/training).

I think it would be a good idea to remind her that you haven't had any orientation or training and ask for any information that is available so you can avoid similar issues in the future. People forget that not everyone knows the things they know.

And I don't doubt that she's juggling multiple freelancer balls and completely forgets what you don't and do know. Never ascribe to your stupidity what other people's lapses explain.

Could you say, " to avoid these types of omissions in the future, is there any type of guidebook or paper on your standard practices. I did not receive one when I started work and it seems that there are some items that it is assumed I should know."

I would just state it every time, without making a blanket statement: "Oh, thanks so much--I didn't know there was such a thing as XYZ. It's really helpful to know, and I'll be sure to refer to that going forward!"

Yeah, that's good, too.

I cannot get this day underway. I forgot to charge my phone or set my alarm last night, so the whole morning has been playing catch up and I failed to eat breakfast. Shoulda stood in bed.