Much love to all of you. I still feel foggy. Everything has shifted, just slightly, so nothing is in its right place. Except here.

Good luck with the interview, Kiba. And in getting to it.

I had scrambled eggs for breakfast, which I want to mention just so I can use itafont.

MFNlaw, {{{BF and family}}}

I keep thinking about that horrible pseudicide and all the Buffistas (myself included) who never doubted his reality until the moment we tried Googling for death notices. Some folks rolled their eyes and pointed out that he'd always been really just too improbably perfect all along, and how could we possibly not have twigged to it? And someone else pointed out, quite sensibly, that ita is even more improbable and yet there she is, implacably real, so how on earth are we to judge anyone else's probability in a universe that contains ita?

Yesterday I was in training for most of the day, which was good because I didn't have to use my brain, but bad because it was in a part of the building with no reception, and I kept wanting to check my phone.

I was lucky, I guess, that this happened around the time that I have two back-to-back therapy sessions. I was able to get a good amount of cathartic crying done there, instead of wanting to do it at work.

I didn't see Beep Me until well into my work day and working the front reception desk made it awkward keeping my face close to composed. But once I moved back to my regular desk after closing I was able to at least let my face show some emotion. I'm pretty good about not crying when I don't want to, but I had a hard time holding it together when I saw the header on the new ita thread: "heart and soul, and a moon." My face tried to go two different ways and cry and laugh at the same time; I ended up stuffing my hands in my mouth to stop any gross sounds from coming out.

It's been a fucking awful month for me personally and this just kind of seemed like the shit centerpiece on a garbage cake.

Interview~ma, Kiba!

I knew about 10 minutes after going to bed that sleep would not be happening. Some of it was recent events, and some just my regular foray into insomnia. So I petted the cat, occasionally turned on he light and read a few pages of a non-challenging book, and listened to the freezing rain. Since I'm still unemployed being fully functional today isn't really a requirement.

how on earth are we to judge anyone else's probability in a universe that contains ita?

This is beautiful.

I decided not to skip book club last night, and it was actually good to get away from the internet for a while and let myself be distracted by people who have no connection to ita or Buffistas or anything. And then I woke up, and remembered, and now I have to get through another normal workday.

Morning, all.

That's about all I've got just yet. But there's you fine people, and that's not nothing.

I'm at home, and there's no reason I can't work, but...I can't.