Kat, how are you doing, if it's OK to ask?

[Edit: sorry for the cereal, but:]

I'm also just feeling like... I don't have words, but words are what we have when we're far apart. I just want to keep posting here even though I don't have anything to say, just to be here with you.

You say it perfectly. Thank you.

Jesse, realize I will hug you. Just get prepared now. Also there will be toast with you and DJ.

GD fuck. Fuck it all.

I'll phone Katie Bee in a bit. It's a little early for her.

I never knew why she left the board. I looked and never found anything in the notice sections, and concluded that I shouldn't ask, since no one seemed to talk about it (given my limited time on the board). Was it because of the migraines?

Yes, Kate. Posting is our way of holding hands

She was back on, Java, after that break. Had been posting just a couple days ago in the fanfic thread.

I texted Emily and called Cindy.

I started crying again while writing my LJ post. I prefer the numbness.

It's times like this I wish, fiercely, that this board were a real, physical place. There's nowhere else I want to be today but here with you all.

So much yes, to this. I keep thinking about the last physical-world funeral I went to, my aunt's, and how mourning takes on that weird unreality, where you can kind of stumble around in your haze mumbling "oh god. oh no." but at least when you bounce off other people they're doing exactly the same thing. And the bittersweetness of reunions, of "I haven't seen you in ages! But... we're here."

It's awful, but there's an in-the-moment quality to it that I'm really aching for right now.

I so wanted ita to have a chance to be ita again.

Oh god, yes. So so SO much.