I haven't been here in a long while, and today I am particularly sorry for that. ita and I mostly "saw" each other on Tumblr these days; we were reblogging stuff from each other just last week. This is a real punch in the gut.

I need to process this alone, at least for a while, but I wanted to stop by and say how sorry I am to those who knew her better than I did. I'm glad that this place is here as a part of her legacy.

Goddammit.

I contacted erinaceous.

I've been in touch with my sister, obviously. She can't get to the board at work, but says she will try to come by tonight. She also says "this sucks a lot."

I DM'd Cindy on Twitter - we follow each other there.

Yes, Tep, that's her email.

Watching people reach out to those that knew ita both helps and hurts

I let Bridget Striker know, though she'll likely see from her FB feed.

Thanks, Hec, for all you've done so far in letting people know.

And thanks for the e-mail offers. And all the tracking-downs. Still trying to see who are we missing who would like to know.

Poor Shir texed me that she needed to tell me something while I was in a work meeting, and I had to make her wait for an hour, not knowing what she had to tell me (and poor her had to wait all that time with that knowledge and being unable to share it).

I called as soon as the meeting was over, and all she could do was tell me this one sentence before I had to hang up on her, because I was sobbing so hard I couldn't hold the phone. I sobbed on teh bus and on the train, and by the time I got home and calmed down a bit, the minute my husband saw my face and asked me what was the matter, I started sobbing even harder than before.

He picked up the kids from kindergarden and daycare and took them somewhere else (there are crafts activities on a certain place on Tuesday afternoons, for kids their age, we did it several times and they like it). That's how I can sit in front of the computer right now (it's shut when the kids are around, or they'd make sure there wouldn't be any computer left...).

I hope I'll be a bit more calm by the time they'll get back.

I have let people who are still on LJ/DW know they need to check in (assuming they have me friended).

My heart is overwhelmed for her family, all of it in all its forms. But her parents and sister, I ache. The helper part of me wants to assist them in anyway we can to ease any tiny small amount of this, even if just by acknowledgement, witness, recognition of the pain and her impact and the hole that exists.