And you are far from useless.

Unemployed and unemployable and lazy and emotionally needy.

I am not having a good day. And I've got to go over this editing test. I'd really like to get this job. But instead I'm still crying and trying to figure out when I can take Ativan again.

Oh, Tep. You are *not* patently stupid. You are emotionally unstable, but that's because you are under a metric fuckton of stress, which tends to completely short-circuit planning and decision making and follow-through on stuff with a billion fidgety details, which is pretty much exactly what a wedding is. And you are extremely useful in not just some fucking way but about a million fucking ways, whether or not you end up doing sexy edits for money.

Also, because WebAssign.

You are not unemployable. Believe me.

I know it's a bad day. Maybe give yourself a break, take more Ativan, watch/read something comforting, and finish the test after dinner. Let yourself breathe for a bit.

Also, it's not like you have gotten a million wedding licenses. You didn't get a thing YOU HAVE NEVER DONE perfectly right the first time. So what? It got done.

That also is a shitty day, Teppy, but Tim loves you, and so do we, because you are you. Not because you are perfectly able to make things happen in perfect ways.

So I am ducking out of a Fb conversation with old college roommate (or maybe her husband since they both use her account). It started with her posting some false thing about if you get caught illegally crossing the border into North Korea you get sentenced to years of hard labor, but if you illegally enter the U.S., you get a job and food stamps, blah blah blah, repost if you agree. So I pointed out what does actually happen, arrest, detaining, hearing, deportation. She said no that's not true, they don't get arrested, she knows illegal immigrants living openly. I point out ICE's website proclaiming 2012 was a banner year for deportations, she says it's all lies. I say, fine, sure, since the Bush-Cheney admin, I can believe the govt can and will lie about anything, but does she have actual facts to prove that the ICE's claims are false. This spurred an epic rant on her part covering many real and imagined transgressions, but never actually providing the facts I requested.

Ergh. I have so, totally done the forgetting, getting lost, embarrassing myself waltz, Steph. I HATE IT. I totally get how awful that feels for me, and under the sort of stress you are shouldering right now, it must be so much worse.

Truth though? Inconvenience does not equal incompetence or inferiority. A cascade of badness can certainly feel that way, but it is just a series of things that...in the end, have or will turn out okay.

Hey, you discovered the problems before the day, as far as the cupcakes and tour are involved. Just imagine being one of those people featured on Cakewreaks all the time...the ones who don't have the organizational skill you have...and don't actually avoid the problems.

Do take care of yourself, as if you had a virus, if you can.

It will pass. (even if not as quickly as you'd like.)

Well, I'm willing to believe North Korea is a worse place than the US to be an illegal immigrant. It's also a worse place than the US to be almost anyone else, though, so I'm not sure what that comparison is worth.

Teppy, is there a desk or table you can sit under for twenty minutes and have a good old sulk? Set a timer, crawl under some furniture, and wallow like you just don't care. I figure rolling around in the mess will process it better than trying to fight it off. The brain demons will get bored and go off to find someone more entertaining to torment.

ION, I have tried Nutella for the first time. OMG. How is that stuff legal?

WEBASSIGN, CAN'T YOU SEE SHE'S A WOMAN IN LOVE TRYING TO MAKE AN HONEST MAN OF A GUY NAMED TIM? WHY YOU GOTTA DO HER LIKE THIS?

It's okay, Steph. I stood in the work parking lot today looking between the nearby stairs and the faraway elevator and just cried as people walked past me. I trust that they are not people who work for my company, BUT HEY. Sometimes you gotta just unpent.

Now I have paper towels in my pocket for the pretty inevitable next explosion, since they are better than implosions.

Maybe I'll stop for tissues (and eyedrops) on the way home.

(I'm so glad you spoiled in the lede--I was trufax anxious--you are clearly a good person to call someone and tell them that their loved one is okay now after an accident)

(There's probably a clear line past which you can no longer elope, and some people pass that when they announce the engagement, but there sure must be points were it feels really enticing...)

Tep, you're having a bad day, but you're awesome.

I'm so fucking over this shit. SO OVER. I just want the wedding to be done. I want to be married; I want to be Tim's wife (although I am genuinely AMAZED he's willing to marry someone so patently stupid and emotionally unstable), but I am SO OVER this wedding bullshit. OVER. IT.

You're marrying a guy who blows the leaf mess with a furnace blower, and does millions of other charming and ridiculous things. I'm sure he's AMAZED you're willing to marry a ridiculous man who keeps ALL THE THINGS and blows leafs with the furnace blower.