Love him!

Just got back from an Easter egg hunt. It was actually terrifying. They released the kids in waves by age. By the time they got to the 4th graders, it was NUTS. They looked like a field of locusts.

Oh my god, I don't understand how I've turned into such a dick. When I talk to my dad on the phone, 80% of our conversations turn in to me yelling at him because he misunderstands something and I try to explain it. But when I explain it, he just repeats the misunderstood thing over and over -- with the exact same phrasing, like he's reading from a cue card -- and so I try to phrase the explanation in a different way so that it gets through to him...but then he repeats the misunderstood thing yet again and THEN I start yelling. (Not, like, insulting him; just repeating MY explanation, but at a high volume, with extreme frustration. Still, it's yelling. At my dad. When all I'm really trying to do is help.)

Truly, I am the poster child for Don't Be Like This Kid.

I have no idea how to break this cycle. Tim told me that, after the first instance where he misunderstands my explanation, I need to just say "Okay, do [whatever]," and let it drop. And he's right. But I'm so fucking stubborn, and I'm trying to *help*, ISTG, I'm not just being a dick. If he's misunderstanding something, I don't want him to experience negative consequences that could be avoided.

But in the end, I *am* being a dick, because I just keep yelling, even though it's unproductive. Awesome.

(I just got off the phone with Dad. I want to punch myself in the face for being such a dick. Of course, he followed it up with yelling at me for not getting my NOT HIGH cholesterol re-tested yet.)

Aw, Tep. Don't beat yourself up. You're a fantastic daughter. But Tim's probably right about disengaging after a certain point. I know that's hard to do, though.

But Tim's probably right about disengaging after a certain point.

Oh, he is. I totally agree.

I know that's hard to do, though.

But there's that.

Don't beat yourself up, Tep. That sounds incredibly frustrating. And that's a hard line to draw, between pushing to help when yo know it's not doing any good, and not helping when maybe you could.

I almost forgot - saw a pheasant over by the nature preserve this morning! One of the few birds I am pretty confident about identifying, so it pleases me to spot one.

Do not punch yourself in the face!

I just did a very little bit of yard work and garage cleanup, on my theory that doing a little right now is better than waiting until I can Do All The Work. So that's something.

I installed new memory in dad's laptop, but I suspect we'll have to replace it soon, maybe with a tablet. And I discovered that his retiree medical plan is being shut down, so this week I have to figure out which of the new plans he should sign up for.

Meanwhile, I'm in Home Despot getting paint samples because I'm thinking of painting my bookshelves before I bring them back in the house... the paint department here is so tempting!

Has your dad always kinda been that way, Steph?

Kind of, but I feel like he's getting more stubborn as he gets older. I did actually tell him today that when he disregards something I tell him as "not right" it's really hurtful.

Haircut, bought a dress for the wedding, Target and Trader Joes and liquor store. Brief breather and then swim and thankfully my hardware store with my one true stripper is open until late enough. And catfood, apparently. Then nails. And maybe priming. Or maybe just fall down.

I need more goats in my life. Makes me so happy all day!