So far my lunch is animal crackers. Which I had to confiscate from the cat who was standing on the table with her head in the bag scooping them out. Most landing on the floor where her accomplice awaited to Hoover them up.

Well, they are called animal crackers.

I was totally creeped out by an ATM wishing me a happy birthday.

Hooray, the soup that I left simmering on the stove while I was at work (unintentionally, I meant to bring it to a boil when I woke up and let it cool down all day but I didn't turn the burner all the way off)

I accidentally left a cast iron pot of apple butter on the stove overnight once. I actually checked, but the flame was so low I didn't see it.

It never did burn, and the house smelled amazing when I woke up. But the half inch layer of marble-hard apple caramel that was all that remained in the pot resisted every caustic substance and make-shift chisel I could come up with. And I tried for three weeks. Finally had to toss the pot.

What a sad story, brenda! You lost the pot and no one got to eat that undoubtedly amazing apple caramel.

I think I have a tennis ball sitting on the dryer for just such a purpose. And it's been 20 minutes, so time to go look...

I ruined a pot due to events that I shall not disclose, found a cheap replacement at Walmart with the bonus of it being orange, only to find that the cashier wouldn't sell it to me due to it being recalled. Phooey.

Also, how do you f*** up a pot? That's like . . . stone age or something.

I'm so happy I'm able to wear real shoes now. I can walk easier, and I can actually do work work, which will help with "leading by example" in terms of slowly guiding the rest of my department into doing what they're supposed to be doing without being a bossy desk jockey.

I was still horrified when the archive intern came in and our intern had her stuff still splayed out all over the shared desk and she left her dirty dish from last week there. I'm still coming up with a strategy of how to tell boss lady that she needs to address that shit. Especially since boss lady is a fucking disrespectful slob herself.

I know we have had to recall pots that had a manufacturing defect such that the glass lids were in danger of shattering when heated. Happens.

That's like . . . stone age or something.

Chemical in the coating you don't want in your dinner? Plenty of high tech fancy compounds you can cancer yourself with that way, I'd assume. Or handles that weaken when it's heated, or it says it's oven-safe and it actually explodes at 275, or...

Yeah, I believe we've had all those issues at one time or another, although usually they are caught before the product gets out to the stores...between the QA presentation and the Consumer Relations show and tell I got quite an education in defective and/or ruined cookware at orientation.

Thank god pots aren't stone age, TBH. I need a bit of slippery and cool handles and transparent lids, etc. And not getting cancer from my utensils.

To be fair, I doubt the stone age pots are carcinogenic either. Unless you're unlucky enough to chip one out of pitchblende, anyway.

Better than OK Cupid, which sends a "You're still single?" email.

OMG yrs. hate.