{{{{VW}}}}

We'll be pulling for you.

I'm still not over the fact that allergies can appear at any time. It's a betrayal, I tell you. Then again, so is turning 40. I shudder to think what my 50s will bring.

Speaking of our bodies betraying us, I am beginning to develop an irrational/somewhat founded fear that I'm carrying some gene that predisposes me to cancer, and so I'm tempted to go on one of those radical anti-cancer diets, like a short term fast or a cleanse or cutting all sugars & carbs. There's a growing body of evidence that dietary interventions can help (but better for preventive care than treatment), but it also sounds kind of crazy to me. Also, the diets that appear to work are pretty radical in terms of their restrictions. I mean fasting for goodness sake! How long could I possibly endure a fast?!

Burrell, I tell you what, being a medical editor scares the crap out of me at least once a day. Because I edit an article about something horrific and think, "Holy crap, I could be developing that RIGHT NOW and I don't even know it!"

But on a more probable level, all the heart disease in my dad's family is a looming specter that I've decided to ignore, because it's always there, and if I thought about it too much, I would obsess over it. And the damn medical evidence has changed so radically in the past 20 years about what dietary factors contribute to heart disease that it feels like a sucker's game to try to change my diet to prevent that first heart attack.

Not to mention all the addiction in my family. For some reason, knowing that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was clean for 23 years and then fell off the wagon makes me think, well Jesus, so far I'm the only member of my nuclear family who hasn't become an alcoholic, which means my odds of becoming one are astronomical.

And then there's the fact that people who do everything "right" still get heart disease and cancer and other random awfulness, while people who do everything "wrong" live long lives with few problems.

Some days, it feels like, well, I'm doing what I can (although I should eat more veggies), and that's fine, I'm at peace with that. And other days I feel like I am so eternally fucked.

VW, how scary and exciting. Wishing all the best for you.

Teppy, is it possible that whatever they put in my IV yesterday, perhaps the anti-nausea medication, could be giving me a burst of energy today? Last time I had a stomach bug my doctor gave me something for the nausea and it made me feel like I had too much energy, and I was wondering if this was the same kind of thing.

Congrats and Happy Sherpas to Pix and Maria, and a belated Norgay to -t!

Good ~ma for you and your DH, vw.

And then there's the fact that people who do everything "right" still get heart disease and cancer and other random awfulness, while people who do everything "wrong" live long lives with few problems.

Everything Steph said. I've been thinking about getting one of those DNA tests, just because I know nothing about my father's medical history, and then I think, maybe it's better I don't know! On my mom's side, the only scary thing is autoimmune disease, which is quite scary enough. Right now, I'm healthy, if overweight, and I think probably the most important thing is that I don't smoke; I think that made my mom's disease come on earlier and harder than it otherwise would have. I know I should exercise more and eat more plants, but personally I'm done with extreme diets; they've all done me more harm than good. Beyond that I try not to dwell on my ultimate fate, because there are so many factors that influence what happens to us, it's impossible to know or to control. All we can do is try to swing the odds in our favor.

Teppy, is it possible that whatever they put in my IV yesterday, perhaps the anti-nausea medication, could be giving me a burst of energy today?

Possibly that, or possibly it's just a weird day-after effect of the anesthesia (which I'm not basing on actual drug knowledge, just the memory of how I felt in the days after my surgery).

Some days, it feels like, well, I'm doing what I can (although I should eat more veggies), and that's fine, I'm at peace with that. And other days I feel like I am so eternally fucked.

That's me too, only with cancer but also heart disease too, although to a lesser extent. So I try to eat well, figuring that if I can't change my genes at least I can try not to contribute to an earlier onset of disease. But I have to admit my sister's death has shaken me. Even more so, it was that her cancer was so unbelievably awful. I haven't really talked about it in any detail here because I didn't want to set off any triggers, but oh my God!

It may be just a fantasy, that if only I eat well and live well I can avoid her fate. I don't even want to live forever, I just don't want to die in the same way.

Try again on the lost post!

vw, all kinds of ~ma for calm and a stress free life. Your child will indeed by blessed to have such quality parents.

Why so messed-up, body? Drugs are supposed to HELP you! Play nice with them!

Sing it. Today the doc took me off the med we were trying to transition to because of the whole life threatening thing. 3 out of 1000! I am such a lightweight with drugs. My plan is to do everything on my list that might help and hope that in a year or so the tests will be clear and I can dump the drugs.

Possibly that, or possibly it's just a weird day-after effect of the anesthesia (which I'm not basing on actual drug knowledge, just the memory of how I felt in the days after my surgery).

Thanks. Any memory of how long it lasted? TCG will be happy for the energy rush because there are now brownies in the oven.