I'm starting to feel sorry for manufacturers of vacuum cleaners. They have a lot to answer for from the cats of this world. Deliberate, repeated, sustained torment in collusion with the cats' human servants everywhere.

The cats are gonna have to get their own lawyers, though.

I'm suing the pet food company because it causes too much gas in Ollie and he has been known to scare himself when he farts. He then barks at his own ass for about 10 minutes. It's disturbing and interrupts my show. PAY FOR MY NETFLIX, PURINA.

In a funny dog story (I think bonny will think it's humorous), my parents have some sort of ... toy something dog. Shitzu, shiatsu, moo-goo gai pan. I don't know. Some damn thing. Named Ernie. About 2 years old. Most chilled out dog EVER. Can barely be arsed to react to just about anything. I don't know that I have ever heard him bark.

Anyway, on Thanksgiving, my 18 month old nephew was eating a cracker and dropped it on the floor. Being a dog, Ernie swept in, snagged said cracker, and took it back to his bed to have a light nosh.

Joseph, my nephew (also the nephew that HATES ME), loves Ernie. LOVES ERNIE. In that "Of Mice and Men" way, but with less death and more effective supervision. So, Ernie snags the cracker, goes to his bed to eat it. Joseph STOMPS HIS FEET through the dining room, into the living room, finds Ernie eating the cracker, and proceeds to lean down and give Ernie The Business. I mean, this kid WENT OFF. You could only understand a handful of words, "UR-neh", "Crock-ur", "MINE!". I mean, this kid gave this dog a dressing down like a mom who just found out her kids did something that needs dressing down'd.

Ernie just laid there, eyes downcast, and I swear that dog was thinking, "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I thought you were giving it to me. Sorry, Joseph. My bad."

It was hilarious. It wasn't loud yelling - the kids only 18 months old - but man did the tone of voice come out and I don't think I saw Ernie near a cracker the rest of the weekend. I wish I had video. It was so funny.

And because they are best pals, all was forgiven and they played a lot of tug and ball and fetch and Ernie shared his bed with Joseph when Joseph decided to nap in Ernie's bed for a hot second.

Aw. Bless.

I can totally see that...and Joseph provided more leadership than a lot of adults do. Good on him.

It sounds like his didn't try to grab the cracker away from Ernie. That is the only thing I'd worry about...especially since he was in his own bed.

Cagney is curled, donut-like in one of his nest type beds, with his tail poking him in the nose. He keeps snoring, and sucking the longer hair at the end of his tail into his nose, shaking his head and falling back to sleep. Tail.snore.shake.wake.doze.repeat.

Who says my boy isn't a Rhodes Scholar?

PS: I love the idea of suing the pet food company for negligent infliction of farts and mental distress. There is surely a class action in there somewhere.

mydogfartedandyoumustpay.com?

My cat's a little crazy...who do I hit up?(Of course, the animal that thinks I'm, like, the best, would have to be Kitty Angel.) From my reading, I'm beginning to figure out that Rocky and my mother have a territory problem, and sort of a petting aggression one, too.Except it's more like Morissey if Morrissey was a cat and wrote a song called "You Stopped Petting Me, Fuck You." And he thinks he owns the hallways and the doorways, because when it's just him and me, he kind of does. But all the "catification' furniture I've looked at is *above* things, which is more what the other cat likes than what Rocky likes. Rocky likes boxes and bags to climb in, and not really food treats so, even if I found the patience deep inside to attempt the clicker thing, I'm not sure he'd be down with it.

Maybe you could make Rocky a box maze? I get the impression from Jackson Galaxy that a number of behavior problems come down to under-stimulation, and a box maze could give the cat something to do--and territory that's away from your mom's ankles. You wouldn't need to make it this big: [link]

I think crazy cats get to be stars on youtube. . .

in non pet news check out these gorgeous LOTR themed spindles.

I think crazy cats get to be stars on youtube. . .

My cats make me sad because they never sleep in any of those crazy contorted positions that end up on I Can Haz Cheezburger. They just curl up and sleep.

ION, I just found out my car needs a new catalytic converter. Ouch. I mean, it's a 14-year old car with 156,000 miles on it, so this was probably a good run, but still, that's a large chunk of money.

Okedokey folks. It just gets crazier.

If I do say so myself, the email I craft to the employee was compassionate and balanced, indicating the legal limitations in situations like this, relating the upset to my own experiences and assuring her that the vet bill is being paid.

She wrote back saying that there were witnesses and that she does not want to get the local authorities involved, but it is 'best practices' for her to be paid for the entire boarding fee, "For the traumatic experience that occurred."

Then, she left me a voice mail stating flat out that she doesn't want to get attorney's involved but she wants someone to be held reponsible and also, um Also, some sort of…let’s say monetary compensation?

With a big question mark at the end.

She called my business line and left all this in a recording that I have downloaded and transcribed.

LEGAL QUESTION...The total she has ever made from the company is less than $300. (new employee)

The contract she signed states the following...Am I right in reading it to say that she could claim personal injury damage up to that $300? (the italics are not mine...the document is written that way)

Limitation of Liability. NEITHER PARTY WILL BE LIABLE TO THE OTHER FOR ANY INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES EVEN IF THE PARTY HAS BEEN ADVISED AS TO THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES, AND REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THE CLAIM FOR SUCH DAMAGES IS ASSERTED UNDER A THEORY OF BREACH OF CONTRACT, TORT OR ANY OTHER THEORY OF LIABILITY, AND ANY CLAIM TO SUCH DAMAGES IS EXPRESSLY WAIVED. FOR PURPOSES OF THIS SECTION, ANY DAMAGES PAYABLE TO THIRD PARTIES FOR AN INDEMNIFICATION OBLIGATION SHALL BE CONSTRUED AS DIRECT DAMAGES. EXCEPT FOR INDEMNIFICATION OBLIGATIONS AND PERSONAL INJURY CLAIMS, THE LIABILITY OF EITHER PARTY TO THE OTHER UNDER THIS AGREEMENT SHALL NOT EXCEED AN AMOUNT EQUAL TO THE VALUE OF ANY AND ALL PAYMENTS MADE TO CONTRACTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT.