Sorry to derail, but an actual big wedding problem came to light tonight, and I'm trying to not kill someone in a fit of raaaaaaaaage.

We're getting married at a B&B close to our house. The general geographic area has a rich history as part of the Underground Railroad, and the B&B itself is old and was part of the Railroad. Which is cool as hell.

The owner of the B&B has told us all along that we can show up at 2 p.m. the day of the wedding to set up, and that her staff will have the patio set up for the ceremony (chairs, etc.) and the dining room set for dinner. We have to have 2 dining tables in the parlor next to the dining room in order to fit everyone. There's a lot of fancy furniture and some historical decorations in the parlor, but the owner told us that her staff just moves the furniture elsewhere and puts in dining tables as needed.

This is all fine. We've been planning to get there at 2:00, my family is getting there at 2:00, some of Tim's family is coming at 2:30 to help with setup. Tim and I have to start getting ready at 3:00-ish for photos, which start at 4:00. We don't have a TON to do in terms of setup, so it should work out fine. The cupcakes will be delivered sometime between 2 and 3.

So. SO. I'm casually reading the weekly neighborhood e-mail, which describes upcoming events, among other things.

On September 21 (does that date sound familiar???), there's a big tour of the area regarding the Underground Railroad. Not only is the B&B a stop on the tour (people are invited to tour the house), but the proprietors will be selling food at the B&B during the event, which goes from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

She fucking double-booked the place and didn't tell us. Instead, she's been telling us all along that we can show up at 2:00 to get ready (several times she chirped "You can show up even earlier if you want!"), and that her staff will have everything set up.

Now, maybe all the chairs and the tent on the patio will be set up ahead of time. Maybe the dining room will be set up. But what, exactly, is on the tour of the house? One room? The entry hall? Because if the bedrooms are on the tour, that's not going to work when I start getting dressed at 3:00.

Maybe I'm worried for nothing. But I think it's REALLY fucking shady to double-book her place and not even give us a heads-up. Maybe she really thinks that the 2 events can overlap, and since the ceremony time isn't until 5:30, there'll be plenty of time to get everything ready.

But I can guarantee you (having done a little research) that this tour was planned -- and the date chosen -- BEFORE we ever went to the B&B to check it out. And she didn't mention a word to us.

We had a tasting dinner there in late July to pick the menu, and at that time we discussed the timeline of the day, and she didn't mention a single thing about this tour. Not one.

Tim's concern is that the tour goes until 4:00, and the cupcakes are being delivered between 2 and 3, and he thinks people on the tour will eat them, because the B&B is, in fact, serving refreshments as part of the tour. He's planning to make a large sign (or 2) to put up blocking the cupcakes that says "These are for A WEDDING. DO NOT TOUCH."

I'm just at such a fucking loss. How do you DO that and not tell your customer??? I feel like they need to knock a portion off our final bill, because we signed that contract in good faith that the venue wouldn't be double-booked.

(Continued in next post because I am verbose)

( continues...) I sent her this e-mail tonight:

Hi [owner],

I'm hoping you can shed some light on something I read about this evening that seems like a conflict with our wedding on September 21.

This link (http://mhcchistory.com/2013/09/02/dont-miss-the-hamilton-avenue-road-to-freedom-living-history-tours/) about the Hamilton Avenue Road to Freedom Living History Tours says that Six Acres is one of the stops on the tour, and will also be providing refreshments, from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m.

My understanding from everything you told us was that we could begin setting up for the wedding at 2 p.m. the day of the wedding, and that the dining room would be set up that morning, along with 2 dining tables in the parlor, and a tent and chairs on the patio for the ceremony. It seems like the tours will conflict with that.

Since our wedding day is coming up quickly, I'd like to talk with you so we can discuss how the 2 events (the tour and the wedding) will transition smoothly. We've been planning to be at Six Acres at 2 p.m. the day of the wedding to begin setting up in the dining room, parlor, and patio, and to get ourselves dressed and ready in the guest rooms so that we can begin taking pictures at 4, as noted on the invoice.

The tour sounds like a great event. I'm just wondering if the overlap in time frames might cause some complications.

I'll call you Monday (September 8) so that we can discuss this.

Sounds like a fairly calm e-mail, I think. But inside, I am filled with raaaaaaaage.

I'm fairly convinced at this point that the tailor's shop is going to burn down, with my dress in it.

Ow ow ow ow fucking hell. Because my body just can't do only one thing wrong, my hip and lower back have gone totally out of whack. Hurts like hell. And I can't take any of the meds that really work, because I've got to get up tomorrow to get to work, and since I missed work on Friday for Rosh Hashanah, I really can't miss it again tomorrow. Just took a bunch of Advil, and hoping it'll do something.

I'm sorry Hil.

And Teppy, that is totally shady. I won't suggest solutions cause if I were you I'd be too full of rage to want practical suggestion at the moment. If a body turns up, Tim was here in Olympia, WA helping us with some wiring problems, and you were with him to lend moral support.

I won't suggest solutions cause if I were you I'd be too full of rage to want practical suggestion at the moment.

Bingo. Please, nobody suggest ways in which this overlapping event timeline can work. And don't try to explain what the owner was probably thinking.

I just want a brigade of rageful minions behind me waving pitchforks and torches.

Totally waving pitchforks like they are pom-poms on your behalf, Teppy.

Waving torches at Hil's pain.

Yeah, that sounds....at least really pretty dumb, if not actually shady. Dang. I will hope they have excellent explanations tomorrow.

I can pitchfork!

I'm not saying they CAN or they WILL, but I really hope that somehow they DO write back to you tomorrow with a simple solution and that the problem just dissolves into the ether.

I'll be bummed that YET AGAIN I don't get to use a torch, however.

Aw Hil, that sucks so bad. I'm sorry.

I really hope that somehow they DO write back to you tomorrow with a simple solution and that the problem just dissolves into the ether.

I hope they do, too -- I'd prefer simple easy solution to my raaaaaaaaage -- but it's just so damn shady. Even when it's a VERY worthy cause, how do you NOT tell your paying customer that their schedule might be thrown off?

I am glad I read about the tour tonight, instead of showing up at the B&B the day of the wedding and being face to face with a tour group and the proprietress selling donuts from a card table. (Which raises the question of, if she's busy selling refreshments until 4:00, when is she going to cook dinner for 50 people?) Because THAT? Would have made me lose my damn mind and flip out like a mammal.