I'd like to kick him in the squishy bits.

Accidentally, of course. I tripped.

Does everybody else have friends from back in the day on Facebook who seem to have become intensely stupid since you were last in regular contact with them? Like people who surprise you with how stupid they've become over the last decade or whatever?

Hahahahaha OMG. You've clearly not seen any of my discussions with my friend N.

I'm a white wine and Xanax girl, myself.

raises hand Hard cider and Valium, here.

Does everybody else have friends from back in the day on Facebook who seem to have become intensely stupid since you were last in regular contact with them?

I always knew they were stupid. It surprises me to discover how intensely stupid they are.

I swear, these hamstrings tighten QUICK.

Yeah, unfortunately stretching is something you have to keep doing. Like laundry and dishes.

I always knew they were stupid. It surprises me to discover how intensely stupid they are.

I just usually regret we have mutual friends so I can't honestly tell them how much I loathe them.

Most medications are a matter of knowing how you react to them. I'd never recommend people take the amount of Benedryl that I do. But it doesn't make me sleepy. I'll chase some meds I know with wine, some not so much.

Stretching is crazy good. I finally had a yoga class tonight after my instructor called off for a month with a broken toe. Moving good. Tomorrow? Well, Advil.

Steph, ~ma to your dad. And you, coz it's scary and hard. Aims, I'm really happy to hear about the house! omnis, glad to know you're doing better. smonster, betterboss~ma.

I had my weekly "careful, the world is a dangerous place. here's one more reason why" phone call from my mom. This is seriously driving me crazy. Today was "I heard that a girl was attacked in our neighbourhood two weeks ago. Watch out" (umm, yes. I'm sure that at least 10 women in your neighbourhood were attacked by strangers, spouses or friends in the recent two weeks. You just happened to hear about one. Also, I'm far more likely to get hit by a car in this city). A week ago it was "there was a story in the news about how the electric company is ripping off people. Be careful, and keep your accounts documented" (1. I keep documentation, and B. yes, there are people who try to rip off others. I know). A week before that it was "it's summer, and there are snakes outside. Be careful and make sure to check your bed before going to sleep" (what).

It's worse than spam. She expects me to thank her for every general warning and says that she's not paranoid, she's just reporting on real things that were on the news. How do I opt out, Jesus. Also, a PhD in Canada in 2006 looks more and more attractive by the minute. She's doing her best, she does love me, but I need this kind of communication to stop.

I swear, these hamstrings tighten QUICK.

As someone with very poor flexibility, I've found that I get much better results by strengthening the opposing muscles (quads in this case) than by stretching the tight ones.

How do I opt out, Jesus.

I don't have any good ideas for this one. I wish that it would work for you to simply say how much you know she cares but that what you need is to not hear these stories. However it is quite plain that these "conversations" are not about what you need, but about what she needs.

ETA: on the off chance that my bad idea on how to handle it might bring a laugh, I thought for a moment about suggesting that Jesus might be the answer here. A very snarky person might be tempted to (fake) quote Jesus (or any other religious figure who comes to mind) on either the topic your mom is talking about, or to say "Thank you Jesus for giving me a mother who is so wise, but please protect her from falling into the sin of worry."

In a sit-com, that would so work. Or result in being committed to a cult-deprogramming therapy.

for the record, my choice of wine in the summer is Vinho Verde - Portugese, white, crisp, refreshing, best served very cold. Also cheap. Although I try not to mix anything with all the stuff I'm on, every once in a while I succumb.

"Thank you Jesus for giving me a mother who is so wise, but please protect her from falling into the sin of worry."

Dear Andi,

Please adopt me.

xoxo, Shir

Thanks, guys. It's just so frustrating, not being able to affect that relationship *at all* ever.