The memorial service for our friend who died last week is tonight, and it's also my improv class night, and I chose class. I have very very few mental-health spoons in general right now, and this is a memorial service among the kink-friendly friend group, and it's going to be a large event, and too many of those people are emotionally draining at a casual dinner, so I can't even imagine what they'll be like at a memorial service, and they'll all want to HUG* and I might fucking punch someone if they tried to hug me -- THAT is how few mental-health spoons I have right now.
*(To be clear, their grief is real, and people are gonna express it in lots of different ways, and those are generally within the boundaries of accepted expressions of grief. I have zero quarrel with them grieving for our friend. *I* am the one who can't handle being around their grief, and can't handle people who are going to need hugs.)
Also, I missed class last week because my cold was so bad, so I didn't want to miss tonight. But honestly, I chose class because it's the only thing I have spoons for. Tim went to the memorial with a card that I wrote for his girlfriend, and he's totally fine with me not going. I feel a small amount of guilt, but I *actually* mostly feel guilt for NOT feeling guiltier about not going.
But...no. I don't have it in me right now.
I think class is the right way to go, Teppy.
That is the best choice, Steph. Tim representing your family should take away even the remnants of guilt. Enjoy class. I am sure your friend would support this choice.
Much simpler for you to manage your own capabilities than try to deal with other people's capabilities interfering with yours.
Steph, I think self care comes first, your friends will understand
Class sounds like the better way.
I blanked on it being Tuesday and missed thereapy but I'm going tomorrow and Thursday (starting the 2x a week thing). Now I have to remember those appointments
Solid choice, Steph.
I have hit the "why bother" numbish level of depression. It's been a long time since I was here and I don't like it. I just don't have any hope that things are going to get better for me on a personal level WRT career and love life, and the overarching shitshow that is our country just puts the cherry on top. I'm just going through the motions, and it's good that I'm doing that, but I'm so. tired. Therapy Friday, so yay for that.
Awwww, smonster. There are very few people I've met on this planet as charismatic, warm, charming, attractive, smart and ethical as you are.
You really are a catch. I know that the world and events and work has conspired to make you disbelieve the truth of that, but that is my honest assessment.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard stretch. But if I could wish you anything, I'd wish you enough of a change of circumstance so that you could see your true reflection in the mirror.
I just don't have any hope that things are going to get better for me on a personal level WRT career and love life, and the overarching shitshow that is our country just puts the cherry on top.
Oh smonster, I surely do know this one too. The only thing I have any success with is attempting to focus as much as possible on the few things I do have control over. Focus on my positive relationships and drop cold the bad ones, focus on the positive business relationships and let go the bad ones.
Also, what David says, so much.
It looks like I might be meeting the online dating guy, not a bookstore date but lunch and chat because he's going to meet me in Hendersonville. We've had to cancel plans a few times so I really hope this works out.
