I hope he suddenly finds a need to be in a different city, smonster

I am feeling futless and bored and really in need of some cuddling or making out. I wish I could have those things on demand.

Right now I am drinking water, cool water. I am paying attention to the feel of it in my throat. I am listening to the cues from my body. I will choose a snack based on those cues. I will choose to treat this body with respect and kindness because it is my vehicle for caring for others. If I do not take care of myself, I won't be able to care for anyone else.

And now I want spaghetti.

Jilli, I'm so sorry for your loss. Ruthven was a wonderful kitty, and you gave him a wonderful life.

I get IUD #3 in an hour, and I am *so* not looking forward to it, because if it's like #2, it's going to hurt a LOT. (I am a wimp with a low pain threshold.) Since I don't get a period anymore because of the IUD (irony), that means my cervix never gets soft, so getting the IUD inserted is super painful (they recommend you either be on your period or just after it, because the cervix is softest then).

The last time, I didn't know how much it would hurt, and I drove myself. This time, I am taking fistfuls of ibuprofen (okay, 4) and an Ativan and having Tim drive me. But, yanno, I haven't hit menopause yet, and I'm terrified of what the next 4 years mean for reproductive freedom, so -- IUD #3.

My wonderful doctors have told me more than once to always let medical staff know that you have a super low pain threshold. One pal doc got mad at me when I got nauseous during a procedure. Not because I got sick, but because I didn't tell him in advance that I had issues because he would have given me something. He explained that the pain thresholds and reactions are all along a significant curve and speak the hell up in advance so it can be prevented.

Signed, was expecting a quick checkup and ended up getting numbed up and abused for over an hour at the dentist yesterday. I explained to the dental dude that it wasn't that it hurt, it was that I wasn't prepared.

Back in May, I had a nasty respiratory infection and dragged myself into a little clinic near home. They did a swab to make sure it wasn't strep and beforehand, I warned them I have an oversensitive gag reflex. To my credit, I've never actually thrown up on a medical person ....

I do not have IUD #3. That was indescribably painful, through no fault of my OB/GYN, who was a champ. She could not get my cervix dilated enough to insert the sound (through which the IUD is inserted) without an extraordinary, unbearable amount of pain on my part.

I didn't actually pass out, but I came close, twice (the second time was a surprise, because we were officially done trying to put the damn thing in, and I was sitting up, and then a wave of pain hit me and I saw spots and just laid back down and said "Maybe someone should get my husband so he doesn't think I died back here.")

So it looks like Tim will be getting snipped. And at some point I guess I'll start getting a period again. Boo.

I feel like I was sucker-punched in the cervix. By the Hulk. And that's only a slight exaggeration. I cannot overstate how painful it was.

And now I'm back home and want to go back to bed with a heating pad and more ibuprofen, but I have some work to finish that's absolutely due today. Fortunately, it should only be about an hour of work and then I can go be unconscious.

Oh man. I'm so sorry things went so badly.

Man, that sucks.