I need to make another appointment with my therapist, but I just haven't felt up to it. And now I'm feeling guilty because I have a great Mom, and yet I still managed to grow up broken.

My therapist has to constantly point out to me that whenever I try to talk about how angry I am at my dad I lower my voice and speak in a monotone.

I think it's goddamn fantastic, though, that you've stuck with therapy even though you have to deal with such awful, ugly stuff.

I think that all of us who are going to therapy are fantastic, as are the people who recognize they probably have stuff to deal with but know they can't do it right now. Choosing to not deal with it right now *is* taking care of yourself, and taking care of yourself is a good thing.

#cheerleader

I think that all of us who are going to therapy are fantastic, as are the people who recognize they probably have stuff to deal with but know they can't do it right now. Choosing to not deal with it right now *is* taking care of yourself, and taking care of yourself is a good thing.

ABSOLUTELY needed repeating.

And put me in the "therapy is hard and I don't want the homework and UGH but stopping in the middle is probably a bad idea" camp. Which reminds me, now that we're back from the UK, I need to call and make another appointment. BOOOOOO.

I think I'm going to tell my boss tomorrow that I'm looking for a new job. I'm going to a thing on Thursday where I need to start networking like hell, and I want him to hear it from me (tiny field in a small town). I also found a local job to apply to, just now, though of course my brain is coming up with all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't apply for it.

It won't be a surprise to him, and will likely be somewhat of a relief, but I still am disappointed that this hasn't worked out better and I feel like I'm letting him down (we've been friends for eight years).

BLAH.

I am trying to write an essay for a job I'm applying for and it is exactly the sort of horn-tooting essay I am shit at writing and can't someone just accept that I am awesome and give me a job that allows me to look at my bank account and pending bills without wanting to cry?

Sucky job goes away in a month (got to spend yesterday training our replacements), but contract gigs don't give severance and losing my income right before the holidays is not great. Esp. because huge medical expenses (but not huge enough for a tax benefit!) = no padding and right now, I am just whining because I need to do it somewhere to bleed it out so I can, you know, write that stupid essay. I hate this. So much.

Also, because it is expensive and not covered, it's going to basically come down to who needs the therapy the most, me or the kid, and the kid will always win, so I'm going to have to quit therapy once hers starts up, barring a job miracle occurring, and BAH. I think I hate everything today. Scratch that, I KNOW I hate everything today.

(In theory, things will suck slightly less when the deferred salary for P gets paid back once their big client has paid them. But even then, still not great.)

Ugh, both of those things are sucky, smonster and PM. :( Even if I'm not sure how much I'm loving my job, I seem to mostly be getting decent marks for it, which is pleasing (even if we are missing some deadlines, which will hurt my actual year-end review, I'm keeping the client fairly happy, so...)

I am trying to decide if I want to go get pho that is farther away but definitely delicious, or if I want to try to find some closer pho. And if I go for the far pho, do I get mad lazy and drive, because dammit I'm sick? Or do I walk, on the theory that it would be good for me and it's a rare sunny day, and besides I've not worked out in a few days because I'm sick...

meara, you are sick. If you are feeling good enough, park a block away and walk a little. I recommend getting the stuff you know is good. If you try the closer pho and it's not great, you will wonder if it really was not great or if you weere off yourself because of being sick. Hopefully the good stuff will contribute to morale and see you on the way to feeling better.

Plei, contract jobs are so stressful. Here's to you finding something good for you and your family soon. Would it help to pretend you are writing that essay about your best friend, who mysteriously suddenly has the same qualities and work history as you do?

Nope. Sadly, it would not.

meara, you'll get better faster if you take it easy and don't push yourself.

Take it easy meara. I wish I could help PMM.

I'm going to face the dentist. For about a week it's felt like I have something...like a popcorn hull...stuck on my gumline. I've flossed, swished, water picred and not change. So I made an appointment on Thursday.

This is sensory hell.