Tim is having a sleep study done tonight -- a few weeks ago he did a home sleep study, where they give the patient all kinds of monitors that he wears while he sleeps. They decided to follow it up with a sleep study in the actual sleep center.

When my dad started having heart issues 25 years ago (stay with me, here), I would FREAK the fuck out every time something went wrong enough for him to go to the hospital. But after a couple of years, I got so used to it that it stopped freaking me out. (Or possibly I just got crisis fatigue because I couldn't handle it anymore).

That's kind of how I feel about Tim right now. I have crisis fatigue already. I'm still worried about his pulmonary test results, but he has to wait until October for an appointment with the pulmonologist. (In the interim, he's getting a CT scan of his lungs and an echocardiogram, so that the pulmonologist will have the results for that first appointment.) I worry, but we gotta wait. So my worry is kind of burned out.

Also, I know that LOTS of people do sleep studies, and that's a GOOD thing, because the study can lead to effective treatment. And that's the goal. (Although, honestly, if he would go to bed at 11 instead of 1, and would stop drinking coffee at 8 p.m., I think he would sleep better. [He did tell the sleep doctor what his sleep schedule is, and that he drinks coffee late, and the doctor basically said, "Yeah, don't do that." But the doctor still wants to do a sleep study to see if there's another factor like apnea or something.])

I'm glad he's taking care of himself by addressing his health care issues, but DAMN, is it a lot of appointments.

Anyway, he'll be at the hospital overnight tonight for the sleep study, so -- PARTY AT MY PLACE!

Steph, it's a lot. I hope the sleep study helps.

I wore a tank top to bed last night and woke up with one arm completely out of its armhole and the strap hanging down. I am considering getting a nanny cam to see what I get up to when I sleep.

Steph, fwiw, the sleep study I did was drama- and trauma-free, and the CPAP machine has made a big difference, I sleep much better. So, y'know, the worst case scenario is, he gets to wear a thing on his face at night. I call mine my Alien Face-Eater.

Having dealt with Daniel's three-week stay in the hospital a few years ago AND his two sleep-away sleep studies, I can say my feeling toward sleep studies is they are NBD. There might be some minor concern about how much sleep the guy gets in a strange place. And sure it's a little weird to not have him in the house. But I found it less worrisome than the times Daniel had to book a night in a hotel because blizzard conditions made it impossible for him to get home from work. And like Zenkitty pointed out, if the sleep study leads to solutions for better quality sleep it will be so worth it.

I don't see it as your wifely duty to do more than not point and laugh over strangers seeing his bedhead and pillowface wrinkles.

ETA: It is possible that pointing and laughing are part of your wifely duties. Depending.

Things I need to do today: cook a turkey, do something with a bunch of apples, clean both litter boxes, empty the trash from the upstairs bathroom.

Things I want to do today: Goof around online and read the new books I downloaded.

It is possible that pointing and laughing are part of your wifely duties. Depending.

They are a LARGE part of my wifely duties! I think we left that out of the wedding vows, but it was implied.

I can say my feeling toward sleep studies is they are NBD.

Oh, yes. Compared with the not-knowing what his lung function test results mean, I'm not worried about the sleep study, as much as it's just One. More. Thing, you know?

The pile-on of this year is just crushing me, is all. We've all kind of dropped the ball on moving forward with getting Tim's dad into assisted living or getting home care arranged so he can stay in his home.

Tim grocery shops for his dad once a week, because his dad doesn't drive any more. And he's been doing this for maybe 2 years (or closer to 3, I think). And it takes up an entire weeknight evening, once a week, because his dad lives 25-30 minutes away, and then we have to get his grocery list (which sometimes means getting him to get out of his chair and MAKE a grocery list), then go to the store (10 minutes away), shop, bring the groceries home, put them away, and try to get home before 11:00.

I don't always go with Tim, but when I do, it's an utter grind. And at this specific moment in time, with everything else that's on Tim's plate health-wise, the weekly grocery shopping is REALLY taking a toll on him.

The store by his dad does have the service where you order your groceries online, pay online, and then go pick up the groceries at an allotted day/time. I told Tim that, at the VERY LEAST, we need to start doing that, because it will knock 60-90 minutes off the trip. But I also said that I think Oldest Brother (who lives 10 minutes away from their dad) should alternate with him, so they only have to do it every other week.

(There's a longer explanation, but I want to be clear that Oldest Brother has been shouldering A LOT of the work with their dad, "emergencies" like "my TV isn't working," and "I need someone to drive me to the barber". So this is 100% NOT about Oldest Brother not shouldering the work. But his circumstances have changed such that he's not available for these "emergencies" any more, and I feel like, at least until Tim's health is sorted out, Oldest Brother could run and pick up Jack's groceries twice a month. Because with the online ordering, that is literally what he would be doing -- pull up to the pickup area and let someone load bags into his car.)

Frankly, I told Tim that if he won't appeal to Oldest Brother (you have to understand that these guy do NOT talk to each other about what's going on in their lives, so his bros don't know as much as about his health as YOU guys do), then *I* will make my schedule work so that *I* can go pick up the groceries twice a week. Because he needs a goddamn break, and he feels like he's not entitled to one even though he's having health issues. (I did tell him I was 100% willing to go behind his back and email his bros and tell them what's going on. And he said, "Well, it's not behind my back ANYMORE, is it?")

I think there's a family Labor Day shindig at their dad's, and step 1 is that we have to set up the online grocery ordering. (And oh, you'd better BELIEVE I'm going to make it happen. I may be a crap wife in other ways, but Tim's well-being is my top priority, and I will do whatever I have to to ensure that he gets a fucking break for a little while.) And after that, we'll figure out who picks it up and drops it off, and when, etc.

This fucking year. I'm just worn out from worrying because I can't fix things and I can't just make things happen.

All the figuring and planning and trying and negotiating is exhausting.

All the figuring and planning and trying and negotiating is exhausting.

It really is. And Tim's dad -- who, I 100% understand, has memory issues and therefore has a really hard time with change -- is going to push back on ordering his groceries online (although we'll set it up so that we [bros and SiLs] do it, and his dad doesn't have to concern himself with it [he buys literally the same things every week, so that's no problem]). And when his dad pushes back, Tim is going to say, oh, I've been getting his groceries for 3 years, I can keep doing it.

You guys, we genuinely don't fight. Sometimes we grumble at each other, but not actually fight. I think this is going to lead to a fight. Because he needs a fucking break and keeps throwing out excuses as to why no one but him should do it. (And that is why, if it comes down to it, I will do an end run around him and do it myself on Wednesdays [usually my slow work day].)

TCG did a sleep study a while back. It was no big deal, but I worried anyway.

ltc has decided she is done with afternoon naps. Mama wants her afternoon nap.

My grandmother was the queen of inflexible. She had to be driven to visit my grandfather every day in the nursing home. Taxis were not acceptable. Moving into an apartment in the same facility was not acceptable. Grocery shopping had to be done, the same products every time. No deviation.