Hil, your doctor can't call in a refill the next day?

So, I had my three good days for the month, and apparently they're over now. I spent them catching up on work and having four hours of socializing with friends last night, and now, today I feel like absolute crap. It feels like coming down with the flu, but I know it isn't, it's just how I feel when the three good days are over. Once again all the stuff I meant to do didn't get done, and I'm upset about that, and I'm upset that once again I managed to fool myself that the good days might last this time.

I didn't get to tell New Doctor everything I wanted to. I made a list and gave it to him but still I couldn't explain everything. I wasted too much time crying and pleading with him to recognize that this is not a normal way to be. So tomorrow I'm going to a mindfulness seminar he suggested. I'm doing it because I told him I would, but honestly, I think it's a bullshit waste of time. I've got a couple appointments scheduled now for a sleep study and an endocrinologist, but I have zero hope that either one will do jack for me. Even if I have sleep apnea, that wouldn't be causing something that's obviously cyclical, and the endo is gonna see perfectly normal levels of everything and tell me she can't help me just like the last two did. It's all a waste of time.

Didn't mean to kill the thread! Sorry. Carry on.

So tomorrow I'm going to a mindfulness seminar he suggested. I'm doing it because I told him I would, but honestly, I think it's a bullshit waste of time.

It may be a waste of time, but the thing is you probably need to do something different than what you've been doing. So among those things which are not your instinctive choice is probably the direction you need to move.

Zen,

It's okay that you cried and were upset. That's fairly normal. Heck a few weeks ago pretty much my entire session was me crying and trying to explain how I felt about sometiing and feeling it was impossible.

CAn you email the new therapist? Mine let's me do that. And I have to send him an email tonight. That way there's a heads up for what I want to talk about in case it gets derailed or so he can move me back on track or remember it for next time if all I can do is cry.

And with mindfulness even if you get one little thing out of it then going is worth it.

I've promised myself I'll be open to the experience and see what happens. I mean, it's not like I've never done mindfulness meditation before, I got my nickname for a reason... okay it was for a cat that used to sit on me while I was sitting zen but still. It's just that this feels organic, not a product of an unsettled mind. Also everything feels futile right now. But I'm going.

I don't know. It just feels like telling a distraught person that she ought to try yoga is just another way of dismissing the problem as being all in your head.

On Neko I am missing the last 7 cats. I know they need the right toy to come visit. Do they need the right food as well? Does it matter if the toys are inside or outside? I do have momentos from 24 of them. I know there are wiki pages out there but I don't want to be completely spoiled.

Zen, I know it can sound that way. I don't think it's meant to be dismissive. Okay some people it is, but like with my current and previous therapists it was more -- here's another tool in your toolbox to help you. Not "do this cuz it's all in your mind".

not that I've followed through with the yoga but I am doing better wtih breathing exercises.

It was hard for me to see that it could be helpful but it was.

I don't know. It just feels like telling a distraught person that she ought to try yoga is just another way of dismissing the problem as being all in your head.

Like askye said, I'm guessing the mindfulness session is meant to be an additional thing, not a replacement for meds/therapy.

On Neko I am missing the last 7 cats. I know they need the right toy to come visit. Do they need the right food as well?

Some of them do seem to need a specific food, but I only figured that out from googling. So if you're avoiding spoilers, you may be in a pickle here.

Oh, I know it's an additional tool, not a replacement. Other appointments are already scheduled. It just feels like a pointless waste of time, and I'm trying not to let that feeling overwhelm any good I might get out of it.

On Neko I am missing the last 7 cats.

Funny that was the next comment that posted, Neko was the name of the cat who used to sit zen on me.

I definitely get more cats and finickier cats with the more 'spensive food, but the most expensive food isn't worth the extra unless you're going for Jeeves and Sapphire who supposedly won't eat anything else.