How do you not fall asleep? Conversely, how do you not lock up in constant vigilance over having that much attention paid to you?

When both urges exist in perfect balance with one another, then you have found your centre.

So, my center is that moment when you're falling asleep but you suddenly jerk awake for no reason? That sounds about right.

I'm with you, Zen, I'd be saying "Thanks, I've got it, no, really, I've got it."

How do you not fall asleep? Conversely, how do you not lock up in constant vigilance over having that much attention paid

I think I did fall asleep once. The end of class chime woke me up. There are several other students, so attention gets diffused. And the room is really quiet, and I'd hear if any of the others got up, so it still feels pretty safe.

I went back to yoga for the first time in a while last week. The substitute instructor pretty quickly sussed out that none of us (in Beginners' Yoga) were actually new to yoga (mostly we just weren't quite ready to move on yet). I can't tell if she thought that meant we could do more or if she was actively trying to punish us for taking the wrong class, but boy did I hurt for the next couple of days!

I tried "lullaby yoga" a few weeks ago. But I didn't find it very soothing until the last few minutes...and then that was gone when I left into the cold rainy night!

I loved yoga a few decades ago and was in a hot yoga class in Fort Lauderdale for a long time. FL hot yoga is a new level of hot, but it does seem to make the muscles happy. I've tried it a few times in the last couple years, but it is too frustrating with my bulk. I am still flexible, but body parts are in the way. They have a class at my gym that I'll try again in the fall.

I need to start exercising again. ltc is getting heavy, and I'm hurting at the end of the day.

Yesterday was a really good day. ltc took two naps, I was able to get dinner in the crock pot, and I got out of the house to grab some books at the library with outdoor clothes on and even lipstick. This, and maybe some energy to read at the end of the night, is really all I can ask for from my daily life.

This afternoon the in-laws are coming over to play with ltc and are staying for dinner. I'd like to figure out something to make which aren't the two or three things I make every time they're here, and when I got out to do errands while they stay with ltc those errands might have to include finding a quiet place to read a few chapters.

So for Small Victories Wednesdays I talked to insurance company without breaking into tears. I was abrupt and possibly rude. But United sucks.

I could really use 2 sessions a week with my therapist but that gets flagged if it's too "excessive". And "unlimited visits" means "1 visit per week for the year" unless they deem to be medically necessary but they prefer people who need more than 1 visit a week to go into Intensive Outpatient Programs.

But they don't say they will automatically deny any excessive visits my therapist has to contact a clinician. I was assured I could be there for the phone call and that it would take about 10 minutes. I asked how someone could make a determination based on a 10 minute phone call "oh well they will review your records" the ones where my therapist says it's necessary?

I don't get to talk to the clinician myself. And because they are paying for it they get to do that.

She actually did a exasperated sigh towards the end and I called her on it. But I was making her say the same things over and over again.

Blue Cross Blue Shield evidentally does not pull this bullshit and I wish I'd gone with them. I can switch next year.

And United doesn't even pay to cover the whole cost of my visit. Even with my copay.

Insurance sucks. But they are paying (kinda) so they get to make a determination of what they'll cover. Only they like to cloak it in "medically necessary" and "making sure your needs are met through all avenues and in your community." I told her I drive 45 minutes to see my therapist that I couldn't find somene taking patients in my community and there isn't any support groups that I know of in my county and if they knew anything about where I lived they would know that, but they don't.

Anyway I did curse, scream, cry, directly insult anyone, or throw the phone. So it's a win.

Ugh askye, no one should have to deal with that crap