Maybe you can turn your bear into an ally. I was afraid of the monster I heard behind the door, until I realized he liked me. Of course, having a monster in the basement of your soul that would be happy to come out and play is also something to be afraid of. I wish I could send him to deal with your bear.

Haircut and color tomorrow! I'm going to skip the rockabilly platinum streaks because I'm too lazy for upkeep, but definitely sunny blonde instead of this winter-dark yeti mop.

I'm mostly doing it now because I have to go to Chicago next week for work, and I thought perhaps I should look spiffy.

I didn't do part of my therapy homework which is to make a powershield.

The prison-bear, defeat,skinning and dance are going to go on it someway. It will keep my therapist on his toes.

Therapists never suspect berserkers.

I am so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read Zen's line about berzerkers. Incidentally, Zen, there are other treatments other than medications for depression - what I am specifically thinking about here is Vagus Nerve Stimulation. [link] I am most familiar with VNS as it is used to treat seizure disorders. As amazing as that is, If I had the sort of trouble you have described with such a wide range of medications, I'd be begging for the VNS for my own depression. I am not certain what criteria they use to decide who is a good candidate for this treatment, or what other steps they require before trying it.

Wow, Andi, I never heard of that before. Do you know people who use it successfully? I see the new doctor on Tuesday, I'll see what he says about helping me try it. Thanks!

I only have experience with using VNS to treat seizure disorders. In that context it is freaking amazing. Because of how impresssive that application is, is my sole basis for believing it could be freakin' amazing for people with depression for whom medication is ineffective and/or carries too many adverse reactions. IOW, this is a jumping-off point. If I were in your shoes, I would specifically look for a doctor who is familiar with the technology. Barring that, I'd start doing a lot more research so I could educate my doctor about it. At this time, I do not know precisely what the parameters are for deciding any given patient is a good candidate for it, or what hoops by way of "step therapy" insurance companies might expect you to jump through before trying it.

Topamax has been helpful for me too, and that's also used to treat seizure disorders. Interesting.

Hi all. Sorry I haven't responded sooner, but I'm glad (in a weird way) that my post and run led to others sharing their pain and getting love and support in return. Sometimes we just all need to hold hands. I have no suggestions; just love.

I'm doing a bit better the past couple of days. And struggling with a tricky Catch-22: I have been on the Pill since I was 16 because of my PCOS. Going off it will likely lead to more ovarian cyst ruptures, which are the opposite of fun. But I'd really like to go off to see if that helps with the depression. Dilemma.

I am seriously thinking about ordering that thing.