This is sort of freaky, because I was coming in here to post almost exactly that same thing, except for me it was 1 rather than 10. And the cat wasn't hungry, just pesky.

My breakdown can wait for later, though, because honestly yours sounds worse. I am, obviously, lacking in helpful things to say, since I have hit my "Maybe this is just it?" line. I'm thinking if I ever get to see another doctor, I might talk about executive function as well as depression, because I can't seem to accomplish anything, which makes me feel worse about myself.

Okay, that was me. Now you. Are you sure the good times only last a little while? Is it possible you're retconning them from a depression place? Or, um, or... yeah, I don't know. Except you kind of have to get back on the horse, because the alternative is even more of a waste. Maybe life is just something you alternately enjoy and suffer through, and doesn't build up to something. Maybe... maybe we both need new doctors. You HAVE had better times, I'm sure. Maybe they don't last forever, but nobody gets 100% uptime.

Man, if we could bottle the energy of useless thrashing, I'd be rich. Good luck. I'm in this foxhole too.

I was doing really well on my current AD until my period came back a couple of months back, and now I'm dealing with an emotional roller coaster again. I wonder if there is some sort of hormone test I should be asking my doctor to run, but I think I was tested for hormonal issues by my fertility doctor.

What the fuck?

Maybe the lack of Prince has sucked joy out of the world, with the blast waves also going backward in time. This would not altogether surprise me.

Sorry, guys. It's exhausting trying to find doctors and dealing with doctors and all the rest of it. It's a terrible irony that it's one of the hardest things to do when you're depressed and need it the most.

I"m so sorry, Zen. And Emily. And sj. I wish this managing brain chemistry thing was easier and foolproof instead of haphazard. Maybe the next doctor can help. and maybe look into ADHD treatments - that whole not accomplishing things,not having the energy or concentration to do things you want to do sounds familiar and while I may have some untreated depression going on the Adderall seems to help with all that enough.

In somewhat related news someone tell me I'm not the worst parent ever because ltc just gnawed a hole in the binding of her book. I had her safely in her activity seat with a book and nothing dangerous wishing arms reach so that I could rest for a bit, but I wasn't paying close enough attention to what she was doing to the book.

I know adderall helps me but I couldn't take it while I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant and I'm not sure if I can take it while breastfeeding.

My breakdown can wait for later, though, because honestly yours sounds worse.

nooo I don't want you to put off what you were going to say because of my rant. There's no worse or better there's just suck.

I'm thinking if I ever get to see another doctor, I might talk about executive function as well as depression, because I can't seem to accomplish anything

Yes, executive function. I don't know if I should bring that up with a doctor, though. I don't want to split their focus and confuse them?

Are you sure the good times only last a little while? Is it possible you're retconning them from a depression place?

Reasonable question, but nope, I'm sure. I've been paying attention to this for years. The good days usually last for two or three days in a row, and they don't come around often.

Maybe life is just something you alternately enjoy and suffer through, and doesn't build up to something.

That'd be fine, but "enjoy" and "suffer" seem disproportionate and not normal in either intensity or relative degree.

You HAVE had better times, I'm sure. Maybe they don't last forever, but nobody gets 100% uptime.

No, I haven't. I have not had any point in my life when I was happy in a normal way. I know what a happy life must be because I've had brief episodes of feeling the way I'm sure life is supposed to feel -- when the bear gets up and I feel lighter and doing everyday normal things isn't hard, and I see other people acting like they feel like living is a fun thing to do and they don't comprehend what I mean when I talk about how I feel. If I were normal the normal happy people would understand me. This is not normal.

I'm not asking for 100% uptime. I'm asking for a normal life. I'm asking to be able to get up in the morning and shower and get dressed and make breakfast and feed the cats and sweep the floor and sit down to do my work and put on a little makeup and have lunch with a friend and go to the store and put the groceries away and do some laundry and put the laundry away and read a book and work on my hobbies and hop on the treadmill during The Daily Show and go to bed and sleep, and do all that as if it were normal and simple and easy to do, and the next day? have the energy to do it all again. I'm not asking to be joyous every moment, I'm asking to be able to function.

Is it toxic, or do you just wish she hadn't damaged it? Honestly, that sounds like she amused herself in a relatively harmless way. But then I live with puppies.

Anyway, she was unharmed and probably happy. You're a great parent.

I'm not the worst parent ever because ltc just gnawed a hole in the binding of her book.

If she hasn't choked, and I assume she hasn't, she's fine. Babies are supposed to put everything in their mouths, it's how they rev up their immune systems. IANAP!