I'm sorry, Tom.

I'm sorry, bonny. I saw your post before you deleted, but I wasn't sure what to say.

Was it me?!

This weekend I got to hang out with both msbelle and you! Awesome! Except it made me, like, really anxious. And I didn't realize just how anxious it was making me until I had some scary short-term memory loss issues. And if I can't just hang out with two of my best friends in the world and just feel comfortable, what hope do I have of ever having a real social life, or, you know, a girlfriend?

I've been talking to my therapist about it all week, and right now I'm feeling better and not such in a dark place, but, still, a setback that I need to recover from.

Gah, Tom. I can't imagine how scary and frustrating that must be. May your work with your therapist make progress that satisfies you.

Bonny, I didn't see your post. But you know I'm in your side, whatever is going on in your life.

I'm sorry, Tom. I sincerely hope that you find solutions to your anxieties very soon. I understand how much work you are doing to make that happen. The rest of us wish you could appreciate you as much as we do.

Sitting here working hard and being annoyed that I am listening to my sister snore. This happens too often, not just with her. Then I feel bad about being annoyed. I guess I should learn to nap, but then I would be upset about not working.

Lots of ~ma for both of you, Tom and bonny

bonny, hope everything is okay. Didn't see your post.

Tom, I get anxious around good friends, too. Like, I know rationally that Nora likes spending time with me but my anxiety always wants me to stop bugging her (shh, Nora, it's okay. It's me). I'm sorry that you feel so overwhelmed.

My shrink visit must have really cracked some shell of denial, because I fell all the way apart last night and went to bed at 6:45 pm. Slept pretty much all night, too. I feel better today, I guess I needed a catharsis.

How come the nicest, smartest, most talented, all-around best people I know suffer so hard from anxiety and low self-esteem, while the dumbest, meanest, shallowest, most useless people I ever meet are filled with confidence and the sureity of their own rightness and righteousness?

Even the awesome people who seem supremely self-confident, like some of my BFs, if you look behind it you find it's a shield for all of their fears. The ones who never question themselves, who never find any reason to, are the ones you don't really want to be around for long. It doesn't seem fair, that the ones with the most reason to have confidence end up with the least.

I can understand why you feel like that, smonster, especially when I'm low energy (which is A LOT.)

In conclusion: please keep bugging me!

Also... yay catharsis?

I have a standing Monday date with a good friend to watch The Bachelor at her place. Not a show I've ever watched before, but it gets me out of the house, I get to spend time with K, and I have to push past my social anxiety/hermit ways.

Timelies, All.

Tom, I'm sorry you've had a setback, but it seems like you're handling it, which is the next best thing to not having had it, I think. And let me reiterate Laura's sentiment:

The rest of us wish you could appreciate you as much as we do.

But I get it too. I had dinner last night with one of my best friends, and I swear I'm still a little surprised that someone as awesome as her seems to like me! And I have impostor syndrome anytime I get to F2F with anyone from here - the fact that such smart, witty people are willing to spend time with me and even act as if they're enjoying my company! Obviously, they're just being nice, they don't really think that I'm awesome too. Anyway, not to be all mememe, just y'know, we get it (and really do think you're awesome).

bonny, I didn't see your post, but I hope that everything comes out as well as possible for you.

smonster, yay for catharsis (and sleep)! Hope the road from here is smooth(er) sailing.