I had a huge anxiety attack this morning thinking about all the phone calls I have to make and such before I can even think about leaving my job due to the short term disability stuff. I freaked out totally and called out.

I've made 3 phone calls - 2 places aren't open. The Hartford claims they've had no contact with my nurse practitioners offie about my claim. I left a message saying - hey I really need an appointment b/c I'm moving and also I need to get this taken care of because it's money. I have no idea how much money.The case manager for Hartford is out until September 9. So after I talk to the NP's office I'm going to call and leave a message for him. I'm also going to ask him how much the claim is for and figure out if this can be processed after I terminate my employment (I don't think it can be) and try to determine if it's worth my mental health and anxiety levesl to deal with.

I also looked and I think I have enough PTO and Vacation time amassed from something that would cover the shifts through the end of October. So I'm going to talk to my therapist today and see what she thinks about me just taking the time and stopping this charade of trying to go to work adn then having anxiety attacks.

It's not working I'm having a problem but I feel like a failing the people I work with and failing at working at that job. Every time I go in I think of how far I've "fallen" and how pathetic it is I can't be a salesperson there. But at the same time I want to work but just I have so much baggage. The "responsible" thing would to deal with this and get over it but while I don't have a lot of tangible things going on in my life there are a lot of stressors and I'm having a hard time juggling them.

Plus I'm mentally checked out of Vermont already. There's a part of me that wants to just make a pile of all the stuff I truly care about and the minimal amount of clothes that are important to me and figure out if I can get away with getting it all in my car. I don't think so. But I think I'm going to try to pare it down to what can go into an SUV. It looks like right now my brother is going to fly up and help me drive my stuff down (my car can't tow a trailer thing and honestly I don't feel comfortable doing that).

I need to call a vet, make an appointment for Penny to get her rabies shot and to figure out something to knock her out for the trip because anytime I've gotten her in a car she pees and poops on herself. When I moved from St Albans to here the first thing we did was give her a bath and lock her in a room. Plus she yowls. NC is a two day drive.

At this point the furniture I'm taking is: 3 lamps, tv stand, 2 small trunks (possibly), computer desk and chair maybe 2 of my book cases. Then there's the tv, computer and monitor, xbox, clothes, assorted household stuff and knick knacks. I'm thinking I could cram all that in the SUV and my car. Maybe?

Sorry to keep rambling at you guys for this but venting helps and y'all give good ideas and help call me down.

Speaking of calming down I'm going to pet Penny and call Mom and see if that helps the anxiety levels (Penny is currently curled up by me occasionally snoring although I have a feeling as soon as I go to pet her she'll run off.)

askye, my apologies for being out of it, but what species is Penny? We've had success with Buprenex when taking our cats on long car trips. It's a pain killer, but one side effect is drowsiness. Plus, it's a liquid, so easier to give to the cat. And cheap, too.

She's a cat.

I don't relaly want to take her to the vet. That sounds like I'm a terrible pet owner but...the last time I did both the trip there and back ended in her needing to be cleaned up and the carrier cleaned. But i'm going to have to go and deal with it.

Mom has a cat and I don't know how Penny will deal with that. I know she liked Dean (the cat I had when I got Penny) but so far the plan is to isolate Penny most of the time. Mom's cat can go outside, so when he's out, let Penny roam about the house and get her scent on things. Then isolate her again and let Mom's cat in so he can smell Penny. And then after a day or two introduce them.

We're also going to be using Feliway to help keep everyone calmed down. I think the cats will do okay.

I heard back from the NP according to the admin person she couldn't get through because she kept getting a busy signal for the extension. She said she tried the main number and when transfered got the busy signal but never called the main number back and explained what happened. So I told her I talk to someone at the main number all the time and that she should try calling them (especially since the guy is out of the office) and find out what the last thing Hartford received, etc. She seemed surprised at that suggestion.

I also have an appointment and when I explained i was moving she was like "oh, so do you want to make it in November?" No! I want to make the appointment as soon as I can so if I have to see the NP again there's time.

And I have to get my car inspected. Not just inspeced but make sure it can make the trip to NC and the regular tires I have are okay.

I hate moving.

Yes, moving is a pain. And I get it about not wanting to take Penny to the vet -- our Seamus has been known to do the same in the car on the way to the vet. But thanks to Buprenex, we took him from DC to Georgia and back without incident.

Also, a tip on introducing cats to each other. You might want to delay the formal introduction a little more. But as an intermediate step, take two cloths (an old T-shirt is ideal), rub each cat down with one cloth and then leave it in a room with the other cat. It gets each cat used to the scent of the other cat.

We'll see how it goes and try to make the introductions as easy as possible.

And there's also introducing Penny to my nephew. She likes people so I'm hoping that she'll like him then he'll have 2 cats to pet and play with. There are 2 cats that live with him but they don't really like people, they like my brother's GF (they are her cats) so E was super excited when Mom got a cat he could pet and play with.

Askye, best of luck getting everything done for the move. And I hope the cat does well with it.

ltc had another ultrasound today. She still has fluid in her left kidney. She was also inconsolable during the test. Now she's sleeping and I have an anxiety headache.

I'm so sorry sj. I hope these tests will give you answers.

So besides the phone calls I mentioned earlier I :

went to therapy
cried, talked about using up my PTO and vacation time and asked advice. Decided to do it

Went to the store and talked to the assistant manager who is awesome and he just told me to use it up for this week and next week and if I wanted to work the last 2 weeks of October I could

So I did everything I could on that end and the official paperwork to leave can be done at the last minute

Talked to the convenience store across the street and I can get boxes Tuesdays and Fridays

Replaced the glass shield on my phone

I still have ton of things to do. At work we get like...reward points (kind of like credit card points) and I have enough for almost $500 in store gift cards OR $300 in Visa gift cards. I'm thinking the visa gift cards is the way to go with this but part of me just wants to get the store gift cards. Although I'd use them for something highly frivolous and Visa gift cards are more practical.

anyone know Pittsburgh? I hav a friend/coworker that will be there for a few weeks and is looking for good restaurants ( she is interested in all kinds of food ) and interesting tombs and graveyards - profile is good if you have any ideas

and in more important thoughts - sending you love and steadying thoughts askye.

Will store gift cards let you do Christmas and other gift giving for you family? you might need the visa gift cards, but sometimes being able to give presents helps you too