Typo, it might be annoying, but when the alternative is death, I'm inclined to be cautious. Because sometimes, even when you're aware of a murmur, irregular heartbeat, or congenital defect, the heart still decides to just stop. Rob is gone, but my mom is still here, because of that halter monitor.

My father's side is like that. My uncle didn't call me back last month when I called him because my grandfather was I the hospital. If he had called and told me, I would have visited.

The vertigo I've been having for a week and a half, well it eased up but did not disappear. Yesterday one of our hardwired smoke detectors started beeping, begging for replacement back-up batteries. Nothing for it but to have Daniel spot me while I climb the step ladder. I was hoping I could just swap out the batteries, but it was not easy to figure out how to open it in situ. So after having a dizzy spell up on the ladder, I yanked the thing down and fought off a panic attack while Daniel changed the batteries. Tonight, after going most of the day with no dizziness, I thought "Let's get that mofo back up there." While I was telling Daniel I was ready to try it, I got dizzy. Fuck my eustatian tubes. It might help. I dunno. But we waited until it calmed down and I made myself climb that ladder. Re-attaching the wiring was not as easy as I had hoped, but I did it.

I am now drinking a glass of Shiraz.

Ugh, WS. I've had a few dizzy spells this week too and they're no fun. Luckily they have all been while I was seated.

I can't sleep. It's too hot. And I need to sleep because I'm supposed to drive to RI tomorrow to visit relatives who are in town.

I'm sorry you are so uncomfortable, sj.

I can't get up on my two-step stepladder anymore without holding onto the wall or something, because of vertigo. Fuck my you-stay-shun tubes too. Changing lightbulbs and filters and smoke alarms is more of an adventure than it really needs to be.

Thanks, WS. I slept a couple of hours and now I'm awake again because ltc is bouncing around. I'm hoping to get a couple more hours in before I have to be up.

I hope the halter doesn't point out anything unexpected, Typo.

I didn't sleep last night. Yesterday I heard that my aunt, the one in hospice, will probably pass in the next day or so. While she's a delightful person, we aren't close--due more to geography than anything else. Still, she made herself available during a difficult time in my childhood, and I'll always be grateful. Knowing she was getting on (93), I made a point of visiting her a year or so ago when she was still up for company and conversation, and I left knowing that it might well be the last time I'd see her. Yesterday's news just roiled up a lot of memories of Mom and Dad's last days, made me rethink some family dynamics, etc., and now the birds are singing and it's Tuesday. And, family dynamics or not, the cat still needs to be fed.

I'm sorry, Calli.