Truly DH#2 cured me of being such a neatnik. (thank you dear one) When we first lived together we would BATTLE over his slovenliness. He would want to dash out to the beach and I would say that I just had to do the dishes first, commence battle. His argument was storm waves, only a couple hours left of light, dishes will still be there later but the opportunity to surf would not. I no longer remember what my argument was because I was clearly wrongheaded. (thank you again dear)

My apartment is reasonably uncluttered right now, but that's because I spent all of last week working on it, because my landlord wants it to be neat when she's showing it to potential new tenants. It did literally take me a week to clean it, though. And it's still not what anyone would call "neat" -- it's just presentable.

The turkey post to add one more BATTLE memory. He had no organization for his clothes. As in no sock drawer or t-shirt drawer. It was all stuffed where it would fit. I argued how could he ever find anything; he argued that no matter what drawer he opened he would find what he needed. Oh Stephen, you were right. (but I still have a sock drawer)

Five Guys has milkshakes now, which I'm a little annoyed at since I always wished they did and I currently can't have one.

I had a Skype interview with a teacher placement firm that works with private schools. I think that went pretty well. Need to do some more paperwork for them.

Also downloaded a Kindle book about teaching statistics, because the place where I'm interviewing in a couple weeks wants someone who can teach intro statistics, and it's been a while since I've really looked at that material, so I figure that getting a teacher's perspective on it will be useful for the interview.

About a week or so ago, I asked Dear NSA if it knew what had happened to the charger for the Fitbit, since I couldn't find it anywhere, and then two days ago I discovered that it was what had made the Roomba stop working. Two weeks ago.

That's right, I am currently failing at even robot based cleaning.

My house is in a state of disarray due to a bathroom remodel (so stuff that is usually found in my bathroom is instead scattered all over the house). And it's not good for me. The way some are used to clutter/mess and (maybe?) have anxiety about clearing it up? I am of the opposite in that I crave order and cleanliness and and am most happy with surfaces being free of stuff and all floors sparkling. So I am feeling quite out of order!

I was raised in a small, gross apartment with literally no seating other than the very large and ugly dining room and chairs set that took up most of the "living room." We did not have any place for any of us to sit comfortably, as that was not a priority. And it was always a near-hoarder level of mess and filth. But my bedroom was usually immaculate and cozy and I would make my friends enter the apartment with their eyes covered and would lead them to my bedroom.

I am pretty sure that disgusting apartment without a couch or comfortable chair or anything else is what directly influences my priorities now. I take joy in offering a clean, comfortable space for my friends to gather. My tendencies to be sentimental and keep everything that reminds me of something lovely is always battling with my need to have clear lines and clean surfaces.

Have any of you read anything by Sara Benincasa? I'm reading "Agorafabulous! Dispatches From My Bedroom" right now. It's not particularly fun to read (even though she writes very humorously) but it's giving me a good window into what folks who suffer through intense anxiety live through. I don't think I had any idea. I have been thinking about some of you while I read it, and wondering if you can relate. I am about 30% through the book.

Our old house (the one we tore down in 1980) was so messy I couldn't have friends over--because my mom was too depressed to clean and my dad was always working 16 hour days as a farmer so he didn't clean either.

Once our only toilet was just constantly overflowing for a few weeks, to the point where mushrooms started growing on the bathroom floor. I think my dad didn't fix it right away because he was passive-aggresively getting back at my mom for not doing any cooking or cleaning. (He'd always be saying he was too busy to fix stuff because he had to do mom's work too.)

Oh, my heart breaks for your mother, tommyrot.

I'm really quite grateful that it matters so little to me anymore. If I can keep things in order I will, but if they aren't that's okay too. Much less stressful! I heard my mom say a number of times that she thought her kids would remember the things we did together more than the condition of her floors. There are a whole lot of things that matter more than a neat and clean house.

There are a whole lot of things that matter more than a neat and clean house.

Definitely! But I guess if there's nothing else actually happening and the house is still gross, that's where it gets really sad. It's one thing to have a messy house because you're working all day and dealing with kids and activities and passions, etc. It's quite another if it's because of....I don't know. Laziness? I am sure I am probably coming across as harsh and I don't intend do. These are rules for myself based on how unhappy growing up in a pig sty made me.

ETA:

I heard my mom say a number of times that she thought her kids would remember the things we did together more than the condition of her floors.

If the person who gave birth to me actually DID anything with me at all, I'd have forgiven the messes more easily. This is not a case where she was attentive to any of my other needs and the house was a by-product. No. I needn't go into it, but I wanted to be clear about it.