Smonster, are you gonna shoot him? For the irony. Tep, jeez, I'm sorry. Sometimes you just have to take it hour by hour.

erika, haaa.

I hope I didn't make your anxiety worse by problem-solving, Steph. I know that's annoying when sometimes you just want to vent. Wish there was something additional we could do to help.

I hope I didn't make your anxiety worse by problem-solving, Steph.

Nope, you didn't. It's pretty much only when *I* start making lists and worst-case scenario plans that my brain curls up in a fetal position.

My therapist told me I was NOT to think about my stressors. She said she usually told patients to face their anxieties and work through them, but all I did was obsess about them until I was basically paralyzed. When I started to go into what I call the "Robin Death Spiral," I had to make myself stop thinking. Watch a movie, read a book, play a game, whatever distracted me. I was to think about my big issues with her or in terms of active problem solving but not play them in my head as an endless anxiety loop. It took a while to learn to disengage, and I had to do it over and over, but it really helped me.

When I started to go into what I call the "Robin Death Spiral," I had to make myself stop thinking. Watch a movie, read a book, play a game, whatever distracted me.

Hey, you're me! Although my spiral looks a lot like beth's "every possible outcome" thing, just with added crippling anxiety.

Scrappy's solution is my natural state of being apparently. That was how I found the Bitches back in 2001. I couldn't watch the news anymore after 9/11 and remain functional, so I was wandering the internet reading Buffy stuff and found the old Spike's Bitches thread (WX?)

I have been this way all my life. Most people have never seen me upset. Ages ago (as in the worst time of my life), Stephen was hospitalized near the end of his battle with AIDS, the company I worked for was in bankruptcy being taken over by our largest creditor and as the office manager I spent all my time doing reports for the lawyers and such, and we were outside the office building putting up hurricane panels for some storm or other and laughing hysterically about our ineptitude. The warehouse manager looked at me and said, "I swear if the very walls were falling around you you would be smiling". I always remembered it because it was true.

Loved ones always ask me why I am not upset about whatever. I am! I just don't find getting upset to be helpful. I do what I can to solve the issue, and if there is nothing I can do I watch SciFi, read books, go to the beach. Anger, frustration, jealousy, there are a bunch of emotions I just don't do because they don't serve me any purpose.

Now of course I will likely stroke out before I turn 60 (in February!!!) from suppressing all these emotions, but I don't really see how I could change this core part of my nature any more than DH could change his. His response to every single thing ever that happens is that it is the worst thing in the world, let's be frantic, and loud! And wants me to get excited too. I roll my eyes, fix it if possible, and go for a swim if it isn't.

I think the most important part is understanding how and why we react the way we do and accepting it. If it isn't working and ruining our health, then find a way to change it.

And this is me avoiding work!

My therapist told me I was NOT to think about my stressors. She said she usually told patients to face their anxieties and work through them, but all I did was obsess about them until I was basically paralyzed. When I started to go into what I call the "Robin Death Spiral,"

This is exactly what I've been doing. I obsess to the point of a hyperventilating panic attack.

It took a while to learn to disengage, and I had to do it over and over, but it really helped me.

How did you get yourself to disengage?

When I started thinking like that. I would say, often out loud, "Stop right now. Go do something else." and then I would go do it. I might have to say it every minute or so at first, but it eventually gets easier.

Me too, Tep. It's an actual, literal "stop and take a moment" thing for me, but it has gotten a lot easier over the last few years.

Hah. I've had to try to stop giving a damn for work stresses before (when they wanted things I could t give them or I didn't agree with) and I had a very hard time being able to hit the "give a damn is busted" stage. Only sorta hit it. Good luck.