The first Christmas alone thing is starting to bite hard. He was diagnosed at this time last year. And we thought "OK, this is bad, but we've gotten through Bad before."

He loved Christmas lights, and the neighborhood has even more than last year. I figure once most of the lights are out and the Christmas music assault is over, that I'll be doing better. At least I was smart enough to go to the liquor store tonight to get my bottle of Kahlua (no bottles of wine that I like that were small enough I was willing to buy), because all the liquor stores are closing at 6 tomorrow. Because Utah.

Laura, very glad the boy will be okay and is alive to complain.

Connie, I'm sorry this season is so hard. Hell, that all of it is so hard.

My last-minute shopping is done. I made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, and thankful for a doctor who's seeing patients on Christmas Eve. He's going to have to change this BP medication, or something; even with the diuretic, my feet are so swollen I can barely get my shoes on. Walking around all those stores was such a misery. By the time I got home, I was limping. For the first time in my life, I feel old. This is unacceptable.

Connie I'm sorry this is hard. Take care of yourself.

I snapped at Will over our Christmas Eve plans. I didn't mean to but it was right when I was off work and I was stresed.

I decorated a little bit and cleaned some. And grocery shopped.

I found pumpkin bread, but not quick bread, a yeast pumpkin bread, it was pretty good.

I still have to wrap presents and do more cleaning. I took pictures of my decorations. It's not much but I like it. I was going to add a few more touches but I ran out of room.

Laura, I am relieved and happy to hear about your nephew.

I'm sorry, Connie.

It sucks, Connie. I'd like to say "It'll be ok," but after losing someone you love so much, "ok" might as well be on a different planet sometimes.

It'll be a whole new and different sorto of "ok" eventually.

At least that's what I tell myself at these times. So far it has been true.

I'm sorry, Connie. I have several people in my life that are also dealing with their first holidays after a loss. That first year is always the most difficult, but you're in my thoughts.

My sister is trying to teach my mother how to use seamless.com. This should not be nearly as difficult as it seems to be.

Reading about people's Christmas vacation plans made me want a vacation of my own. So I decided that this weekend I'll go to my parents and pretend for 24 hours or so that I'm on vacation, bringing books I want to read, eat a lot, and pretend that the radiator is a fireplace.

That sounds like a lovely vacation, Shir.

ETA: Harvey does seem to be improving after his cortisone shot. His back legs have not been working right. With the collapsed disc in his back, the nerve signals are not getting through to command the muscles correctly (that's how I understand what the vet explained) so he has been dragging himself around using the strength of his front legs, and occassionally doing a crab-crawl with his back legs. Today one of his back legs is functioning almost normally, while the other seems to still go sideways. I got him a medium sized, soft-sided dog kennel to confine him when we can't watch him. Vet said restricted activity would help the healing process. I don't mind him dragging himself about from room to room, but I don't want him trying the stairs. If he fell... that would be bad. We put the kennel in front of a heat grate. Frequently he will drag himself around the house then head back to his little house on his own. I'm so grateful.