Pink Noise: [link]

Kinda like static. But with specific details.

Clicked on the link. Brain says "Here be weird squiggles" and panicked. Tried to read description, triggering Barely Understood the Title of the Article Syndrome.

I hate encountering the inner mysteries of fields I don't know, it's like discovering a wing of a library where I don't know the language of the books and knowing I don't have time to learn it.

What Connie said.

Had such a rough day at work, I cried when I got home. I still feel like crying. I hate, hate, hate medication changes. Oh, I know with powerful medications come powerful side effects, so once in a while it is a good practice to try newer meds to see if they will work as well with fewer side effects. But B. was stable. And in January they had just added birth control pills to decrease any hormone-related behaviors, and it seemed to be improving things. But then they had to fuck it all up in February by gradually decreasing Seroquel and adding in Clozapine. B. had a bad reaction to the Clozapine - not eating, not wanting to anything other than lie on the floor for a month. They discontinued Topamax and ... something else (taken in the mornings, so I never gave it and can't remember) to see if they were interacting with the Clozapine. After extensive testing they realized the Clozapine was doing damage to her heart, so discontinued it. They've been gradually adding the Seroquel back, but it is not up to full strength that B. had been taking before, and they've only gone back up to 1/4 of the dose of Topamaz, and they haven't added back in the other thing that I can't remember. It's fucking August. Last month another individual was moved to a different house because B. was targeting her and it was unsafe. There is still one other individual beside B. in the house. Fortunately that person's bedroom is on a different floor of the split level. What B. needed, months ago, was to be placed (temporarily) in a mental health facility where the medications can be managed with doctors and nurses seeing her every day, and get this under control, get her back into balance. And then bring her home to us. I'm not going to go into detail about today's violence or how ineffective the allowed holds are. I'll just say I don't feel I can back my coworkers up effectively when they are being attacked. And when B. went outside and started throwing rocks, I stood at the door and barred re-entry. I think that was legal. Heaven help me, the whole time B. was out there I was hoping the neighbors would call the police, so I could suggest that the police refer her for a 72-hr psych eval.

I want the real B. back.

Ah, that is awful. I've been in similar situations at the teen shelter, and it's so frustrating. I hope things work out better for her and you.

Um. If someone is throwing rocks at you is that not enough for you to be allowed to call the cops and suggest a hold? I mean, I know it's your job and I'm sure you have to put up with various things from folks that you wouldn't from strangers, but at what point are you allowed to say "this person is endangering me and making my job impossible to perform and needs to stop"?

The thing is, when we've called the police in previous incidents, it backfired because B. enjoyed the attention. We have also not managed to convince either cops or emergency room docs to send her in for the 72hr psych eval. My thinking was that if outsiders called the cops in, they might see the need for more concrete action.

Mind you, I don't know that IS what would happen.

Here is a blog post on the topic of things persons with chronic illnesses think. [link]

Oh, Andi, what a rotten situation, for all of you. Poor B. Don't the doctors talk to the house staff/case managers about the clients? Surely her increasing level of violence ought to make them realize her meds are all wrong. I'm sorry.

Almost late for court. 3 min to spare. Thankfully two other jurors are late. Not the last one!!!

I am not a morning person.