They're giving my husband to the woods this afternoon. Kara ( his daughter, that name has been giving me twitches) and his sister are taking care of it. I know my limits. It's a part of the national forest where he worked as a forest ranger for a couple of years. He loved it up there, whenever we drove through there he'd say "I helped rebuild that cabin" or "I used to camp in there" and such.

Come the fall, I'll go up by myself. So many wonderful people have offered to be with me during the hard parts, and I love them for it, but I can't find comfort with other people when it gets bad. I have to howl it out by myself.

I hope they understand I'm not rejecting them, that I do appreciate their care. But for this, it's just me and the universe.

Connie, anyone who can't understand "Thanks for the offer. You are kind. But no, I need to do this bit on my own," isn't someone who can be reasoned with.

smonster, I thought Daniel did a wonderful job with it. I could see the need for having it ready to go for sharing. Considering all the silly, stupid, hurtful things that travel all around the world and back, I'd love to be responsible for a bit of kindness and wisdom making tracks, too.

I love the idea of giving him to the woods so that the woods can embrace him. Just beautiful.

smonster, I am so sad for you. Knowing it's coming doesn't make any loss easier. But, you know that.

Just know that my heart is with you.

sj, FWIW, you can give TCG another data point; the last time I saw an actual doctor, I told him I'd taken 200 mg Advil for my back pain, and he snorted and said, "That's what we give children! If you want to stop the pain, take 800 mg!" I appreciate forthright doctors.

Steph, again FWIW, for years I've been taking a formulation of glucosamine that has MSM and hyaluronic acid in it (from Natrol) for my joints and skin, and I was surprised when a doctor told me I was developing arthritis in my feet and upper back, because I've never noticed it. Maybe the glucosamine-only formula isn't enough?

It's been a very hard month, indeed. I'm holding everyone close in my heart (which, yes, is very gross if taken literally).

I am so very sorry for your loss, DJ, smonster, and Nora. Sending peace, strength and love to all of you.

And Connie, still carrying you in my thoughts as well, always. Bringing him up to the woods is lovely, just perfect. And you can go visit him when you are ready.

Speaking of visiting the dead, I went last week to order my sister's gravestone and to visit her gravesite. It's in the same mausoleum as my parents, so visited them too. It was sad, but not bad sad.

Heather, smonster, Nora, my love and sympathies to you.

And ((((Connie)))). I do love that the way you put that, that he's being given to the woods. What a gift to him, the woods and to you when you visit.

Sympathies, peace, and comfort to Kara's friends and loved ones.

Connie, StE is far better traveled now than he ever managed in life, and he would love it, if he knew. Hubby returning to beloved woods is beautifully fitting.

Fuck. I'm going to be gone for the funeral and second line. FUCK. I know it's not about me, but goddammit I can't believe I'm going to be on vacation in NC. Fuuuuuuuck.

Can you change your travel plans?

It's our family beach vacation. Dan's flying in from Seattle. I'd only get two days at the beach with them instead of four and I'd have to rent a car, which I can't afford. And I expect the penalty for changing the ticket would be not insignificant. And my parents would *not* be happy. I don't know. I'll think about it, but I don't know.

I'd just like to note that this is the second family get together in three months ruined in some way by death, since my grandfather died the day before my parents' scheduled visit in May.