That is a huge step, Connie. I'm glad Kara is helping and the forest sounds like a good place for the ashes.

You too, are in my thoughts and I wish you as much ease as possible through the paperwork jungle.

Oh Connie, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have someone helping with the business that must be done in the midst of such raw pain. Thinking of you.

{{{sj}}} Thoughts headed your way, too.

Also, to MM and Aimee after the loss of MM's mom.

Back the eff off, universe! It's too damned much!

{{{ Connie }}}}

{{{ SJ }}}

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Wedding festivities are all done. Rumor has it, I did a good job as officiant. Signed the papers this morning. It's all legal. They are officially married! Party was a great time, had by all. And we got the hall cleaned up by 1am. Today, I am *very* sore. Back, legs, arms. Lots of standing/walking all day. So I'm spending the day escaping the world and staying off my feet.

That must be so fun, to officiate weddings.

Kara told me something sad. She and her husband love each other, she finds him fascinating, he'd give her the world, they love their kids--but they're not friends. She says they have nothing in common, and when they have meals together they don't talk. That's so terribly sad.

Connie, that is lovely. I'm glad you have Kara there to help you with that.

So, apparently being passive aggressive works with workmen. This is the second time I have called a workman for a third time to try to get an estimate on things I need to have done in the house (first time was a carpenter we had worked with before and the second time was a plumber we worked with before). On the third call with no return phone calls over the course of a couple weeks, I say something along the lines of "If you're too busy for this work right now, could you refer me to a colleague that may be able to help me?" Apparently this works, and quickly!

Omnis, that's wonderful! Go you!

Kara told me something sad. She and her husband love each other, she finds him fascinating, he'd give her the world, they love their kids--but they're not friends. She says they have nothing in common, and when they have meals together they don't talk. That's so terribly sad.

That is very sad. I know a few couples like that who have nothing to say to each other and spend most of their free time exploring different interests from each other.

I'm glad you and Kara go things done, Connie. WRT to probate, (spoiler fonted just in case you don't want to see any of this yet) you should talk to an estate lawyer, but I suspect things will go smoothly. If all your assets are owned jointly, you can just have them put in your name. The same should be true for any assets where you are his named beneficiary. Also, there's no rush on any of it. You can turtle down for a bit if you want or need to. When you are ready to face it, it'll be there for you.

Thanks Burrell, that is good to know. The only bitch I can see are his cars, I can't find the title for his Rodeo, and then there's the '69 Mustang in the backyard I keep forgetting about (not one of the cool ones, doesn't run, needs lots of work, got to figure out how much I can reasonably expect for that--and can get).

Connie, I couldn't even deal with the funeral home stuff. One of our best friends, and his former business partner came to help me with it.

Rob didn't have a will either, and it still is a bitch to deal with. I just got a check from BoA today for him--refund of fees. The probate process without a will takes longer than with. And you will have to start the process in order to obtain duplicate titles for the vehicles. Get an estate lawyer. There will be claims against his estate from creditors, and you don't need to deal with the bullshit because they are merciless. And depending on Utah's intestate succession laws, Kara may be entitled to a portion of what was in his name only, and will have to sign off on you being executrix.

She's going to take his ashes, because I have a soul deep "can't cope" when it comes to remains. He was still my husband there in the hospital room, but the idea of handling a box of what used to be him makes me scream inside.

My outlaws have his ashes, at least those that were not scattered from the C-47 at the airshow. I could NOT deal with them. At all. I was freaked out enough about him dying in the house. To be honest, that's what he probably would have wanted anyway. I'm OK with that. I knew I was always second to his mom and dad.

If the process hasn't started, there are biodegradable urns that also contain seeds that eventually become a tree. That is something I've considered. [link]

There is nothing I can think of that is only in his name. All bank stuff was joint, and a lot of physical property was solely in my name, as I didn't have pesky student loan people after me, and they tried and failed years ago to con me into thinking I was responsible for those.

Maybe some legal aid place can help with this.