I'm so tired, not sleeping well again, and I'm trying to get into the groove of work. And there are some changes and this weird survey about how much time we spend doing different tasks.

I didn't understand how they were breaking down some of the customer interactions so I left it blank. But there were questions like how many minutes did you spend resolving a customers problem over the phone? Or how many minutes did you spend using X thing for research (the answer is ZERO because it sucks) but all you could do is put a numerical value or leave it blank.

Good thing happened though. We have a program where we can refer business owners to the section that deals with businesses and large volume sales. I've been trying to do that because that money helps the store. One of the leads I submitted landed us a $30,000 sale. The store manager made it a point to not only tell me but also say that HIS boss was impressed (or that she made a point to bring it up to him or something). Anyway I got props.

Weird thing is the new shrink I found.

He doesnt' think I have bipolar disorder. For reasons I'm still not clear about he thinks that I have extremely low self esteem, anxiety, and childhood trauma from bullying/self esteem issues/whatever that have led me to have bipolar like symptoms.

So, he wants me to be in therapy at least once a week, get stable through therapy and then start tapering me off meds and see how I do.

Of course this came at the end of the session and he couldn't get into details. I see him on Tuesday and he'll tell me what therapy plan he wants.

I'm of several minds. One is - HELL NO! my last shrink said "there's no such thing as textbook anything, but you're close to text book bipolar as it gets". I want a second opinion but it was this hard just to find this guy so I don't think I'll find someone for a second opinion. On the other hand - I haven't ever done therapy to fix me (scratch that, heal me, fix me implies I'm broken and I'm supposed to be cutting down on those thoughts), therapy has always been triage or chatty tea party stuff, it's never been about healing. So maybe there's something to this.

And if I do the therapy and I get stable and he tapers me off meds and I show symptoms then I actually do have bipolar disorder.

I think that's reasonable. I just don't know and it's got me worked up and confused.

Connie, sorry about the initial panic from the miscommunication. At least they were apologetic. It is such a relief to hear that he is responding so well to treatment. I know it is going to be tough on both of you while he is inpatient, but I hope you can find some way to rest and recharge yourself.

Askye, I hope that the new doctor's plan works out. Tapering off meds isn't a bad goal. If he believes he can help and you feel comfortable with him it is worth a try. It is more than understandable that you would feel dizzy and spun around with his diagnosis being so polar opposite from the last doctor, but it isn't that easy to diagnose these things. I sincerely hope that you have positive results.

In medication news I decided along with my family that I had to go against doctor's orders and cut my medication to a child's dose of 50% of the lowest adult dosage that I was on. It has been my lifelong experience that I am a super lightweight when it comes to medication, and my family of course knows that. It has been a couple weeks and all is well. DH just commented tonight that I am obviously more clear headed, and I have had no ill effects. I've been able to stick to my diet without being starving the last week too so that is helpful. Feeling encouraged.

askye, can you decide to go for therapy for now and delay any decision about tapering off meds for after you both feel you're stable? I think especially if part of you feels HELL NO, you need to respect that and let him know you aren't ready to consider going off the meds yet but are open to the therapy.

This fucking week. This fucking, fucking, goddamn, no good, fucking week.

Nora, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time, as well.

God bless the 21st century. Just got off a video call with Hubby via Facebook. It was wonderful to be able to tell him good night.

I'm sorry, Nora.

Yes, Connie, it must be comforting to be able to see Hubby.

God bless the 21st century. Just got off a video call with Hubby via Facebook. It was wonderful to be able to tell him good night.

That's wonderful. I'm glad you're able to do that. How is your DH? Does he need anything like books or other media to keep him occupied during this time?

askye, good luck with the new therapist. Try to take it one step at a time and not worry what is going to happen in future steps, if you can.

{{{Nora}}} I'm sorry you're having a bad week.

I'm sorry you're having a bad week, Nora.

Peace to you Nora. I hope the week leaves no marks, save a fading image in the rear view mirror.

Connie, how wonderful that technology can make this difficult time easier!

Kuick Kwestion for Kombucha Kueen Steph. (ugh. I'm so sorry about that. I could have resisted, but did not.)

Steph, please forgive me if I've already asked this question...did you say that you do not use ph strips to test your brew?

I'm on the 7th day of my first batch and a bit tentative about stopping the growth just yet. It smells super yeasty when I open the cupboard and I just can't tell if it is done enough.

I used the Anchor Hocking 1 gallon cracker jar, so the scoby is quite wide, but not very thick.

Also, I'm thinking I would prefer to let it set for a bit longer to get more fizz and fermentation.

Ack. Suddenly, the jar seems sort of 'telltale heart'y. It's up there, throbbing away and I can't stop thinking about it...as much as I kind of want to avoid it!

My friend made a chai batch that was supremely yummy. That may be my next move.