I went out because my aunt and everyone is here and I can't deal. There is still so much left to get ready and we lost an hour of prep time and mom had to go to the store and there is too much stuff and people and noises. And I didn't even eat enough at breakfast because my dad has this hang up about being fat and my brother made some comments about keeping my nephew active enough so he's not squish y like other kids his age.

So body image demons

Am I the only one who re-reads to reclaim and re-experience not only the plot of the book, but the surroundings in which you first read it?

I have a weird, opposite effect. Since I listen to audiobooks a LOT, I will associate a book with the chore or activity I was doing when listening to it.

For example, whenever I clean out the cupboard under the kitchen sink, I think of this thriller I listened to nearly two years ago. I feel the way I did then (hot and sticky), which is like your experience, AND I can repeat the story, almost verbatim. I'll even remember specific dialog.

It's pretty cool, actually...for the books I really enjoyed. For the ones I did not enjoy, it's kind of a drag. In those cases, I do the same activity with a different book to try and 'over dub' the experience.

I'm so sorry for your struggle sj. And warm thoughts for your, Steph and better ~ma for everyone who is suffering.

As you might imagine, Father's Day is just weird for me. I'm happy for everyone's sincere wishes for their fathers...some stories can even bring me to sentimental tears...but I just can't relate.

Seriously, zero frame of reference.

I might have mentioned how excited I was for Niki coming to visit me last weekend. Well. That ended up being a total and complete nightmare. Harder than anything I've dealt with since Bartleby's passing.

It's all okay now, but wow. Family of blood and family of choice can be fraught, yo.

My very best wishes for the awesome dads out there. May you inspire others!

I'm sorry that the visit with Niki wasn't what you had hoped for. I know how excited you were to have her with you.

The cauliflower mash and asparagus was very very yummy. I didn't end up eating anything else because I am so full. I did sample the cocoa ricotta and that is sooooo very tasty. I will have more when I am not stuffed.

DH's brother and another friend are over and shooting pool. Relaxed day. There is a mountain of dishes in the kitchen I am ignoring. I was up way too late last night so I had to take a 3 hour nap mid day. That is a very rare occurrence for me. Now back to work for me.

Bonny I'm sorry about the the visit not going as well as you would like.

Bonny, I'm so sorry things didn't go as well as you had wished.

I need another day of weekend.

Bonny, I'm sorry that the visit didn't go well for you.

Such a long day. Pretty much the minute everyone left TCG and I fell asleep on the couch.

I hope it wasn't as rough as anticipated, sj. At least it is behind you.

I was fine when I was cooking and prepping the food, but as soon as people arrived and all I needed to do was sit around and be social, I just hated it. And I felt bad about hating it. I was so relieved when everyone went home.

I'm sorry you hated it, sj, but please don't feel bad about not being in the right frame of mind to enjoy it. You've had a rotten week. You're allowed to hate it. I'm glad the cooking at least offered some solace.

Thanks everyone.

There is a lot of speculation swirling around about whether Niki's behavior was based on being old, being sick or just finally exhibiting the worst of her sisters' nastiness.

I'm actually quite good dealing with the first two, but the last one did me right in.

One of my almost-relatives said it best, and most sadly, "I'm sorry she stopped being the perfect mom for you."

I am so grateful for having her in my life that nothing she could say or do would ever taint that for me, so I can't complain. I just hope I never, ever see that in her again.