if we're getting something for our manager

In the work environment, gifts should flow downwards, not upwards. People shouldn't be giving presents to their supervisors, it leads to perceptions of influence. In fact, that's a rule in the federal system: supervisors can give gifts, but gifts to supervisors are either forbidden or very limited.

Also, it's just unfair to expect someone making less money to be giving presents to someone making more.

In the work environment, gifts should flow downwards, not upwards.

Yes.

I get really irate about expectations to give up the chain of command, because of the less-money part. I hadn't even thought about the perception of influence!

I've given my boss holiday or birthday gifts in the past, but always little in-jokey things, nothing expensive. And it's certainly not something expected within the company culture, just something I do on my own if I see something I know she'd love.

Maybe just a change in mindset would help. The teachers here give holiday gifts to our custodians. We take up money and give them cash or gift certificates to somewhere. We see it as a thank you for keeping our rooms clean. They provide us with a service and feel they should be thanked for it. Yes, they get paid for that service, but I see it as no different than tipping a hairdresser.

I agree that we should show appreciation, -- but I somehow I feel like the way it is done here is just overly generous and embarrassing. We also all get called down to the big lounge and present the cash to the people, who have to make thank you speeches, and it is just over the top. It reminds me of my crazy ex-boss who wanted to buy our head custodian a coat for Christmas because she thought he didn't have the money for it. I was like- that guy works for facilities and probably makes twice what I do!. She also used to buy me clothes-- like lots of clothes.

Happy birthday, Consuela!

When I left Berkeley, I tried to tell them that I didn't want a party, or anyone passing the hat to buy me some kind of gift, and my supervisor took me aside and told me that I should accept a party gracefully, because depriving my coworkers of cake and an hour or two away from their desks was just selfish of me.

I've pretty much employed that thinking throughout the rest of my work life: I sent a strong message that I didn't want people to buy presents when I was having a baby, for instance, but we were definitely going to buy a cake with petty cash from the library fund.

Speaking of that baby, she has given me the plague (she was out of preschool all last week with a fever and respiratory infection) and I am home for the second day in a row. I'd be sleeping, but the handyman is fixing things, and the housecleaners are here.

We chip in a bit for a collective office gift to our company's owners here, but it's a tiny company where everyone is friends or family, they're great bosses, and we generally receive holiday bonuses/gifts from them that far outstrip the amount any of us contribute toward the gift.

When contemplating my history of office gifts I'm suddenly reminded of the scene in Up where all the dogs say, "We like you temporarily!"

Because the outpouring of presents and affection I received during the in-office baby shower for Emmett was certainly sincere enough. And we got lovely, personal, thoughtful gifts.

And yet, those relationships all burned off like morning fog within a year or two.

I agree that we should show appreciation, -- but I somehow I feel like the way it is done here is just overly generous and embarrassing. We also all get called down to the big lounge and present the cash to the people, who have to make thank you speeches, and it is just over the top.

Wow, that all sounds really creepy. Especially if they are fairly compensated employees!

who have to make thank you speeches, and it is just over the top.

Oh, ew. That would be awful.