Yeah, there is just no way to "win" an argument with her at this point.
Oh, I know that. The problem is that her dementia is not sufficiently advanced to allow you to avoid the argument. She's like a bulldog: she will not let you back out or change the subject or anything, she just keeps returning to the question of why is she here? And when you answer her, kindly and truthfully, she rejects the truth, because the only answer she believes is that we are institutionalizing her so she can be abandoned.
When my grandmother got to the point where she was convinced The people on her TV were watching her and that the government was stealing her money and we had to STOP THEM, and that was all she wanted to talk about, we all got used to just agreeing. There was no way to change her mind because there was a big part of her that loved the drama since it made her the center of the universe, a position she enjoyed. We all would let her rant and kind of nod and just not listen, honestly. She would call my mom 15 or 20 times a day at her bookstore, but not my dad (her son) because he was "at work." She finally dementia-ed to the next level, which was somewhat calmer.
Have you tried agreeing with your mother? Or does that just trigger a whole new scale of bad?
Have you tried agreeing with your mother? Or does that just trigger a whole new scale of bad?
Yes, because if we agree with her, then obviously to her the next step is to remove her. And that's not going to work: they really need to be where they are, with resources supporting them and a potential social life for my dad (if not my mom).
Is she gone enough that you can promise to take her home "tomorrow"?
Is she gone enough that you can promise to take her home "tomorrow"?
Sadly no. Well, sometimes she is and sometimes she isn't and you can't rely on it. If you told her you'd take her home tomorrow she might insist it be put on the calendar and complied with.
I was not going to suggest railing at her really (unless it would make Consuela feel better) just wondering what happened.
I think the phone should be put out of her sight and told it is broken.
Is she gone enough that you can promise to take her home "tomorrow"?
or told that she went yesterday and wanted to come back? She's just say y'all were lying right?
My heart goes out to you and your family, Consuela.
I really wish I knew what was going to happen with poor Homer over the next few weeks. And am focusing on logistics instead of how my poor cat is dying. If I'm going to bring him in to be put down, ideally that would be on a Saturday. Not this week -- he's doing OK. Next Saturday, I'm supposed to be at a work event, but I could bail on that, obviously, but I should do it in advance. The next Saturday I have the big pre-Christmas choir rehearsal, which again, I would skip if I need to, obviously. Over Christmas, I spend the night at my parents', but I guess it would be fairly easy to come home and pill him in the evening and morning (good thing I live so much closer to my parents then I used to). OK, so I guess I can deal with it whichever way things go.
Sorry if this is weird.
Sorry if this is weird.
No. Dealing with mortality is always strange. Especially the practical aspects of it.
