and my folks have clearly not been sharing a table with anyone. They eat alone at a small table in the corner, which makes me sad. How will they meet people if they don't make an effort?

While I can see where them meeting people and being social would be excellent and best for them long-term, possibly just for brief moments accepting this is home now might be Good Enough? As much as I absolutely see this is the right place for them, I can see where it is hard and then, on top of that, change itself being hard. If they eat alone at a small table for a bit, at least they are eating in the communal space and maybe slowly both adapting. Unless you think that meeting others and feeling a part of a communal group will help them in the actual acts of accepting and settling, in which case, push.

K-Bug, when I agreed that you bf could stay with us

Yikes! Bad offer.

You need to talk to her and tell him to go home, and get his shit together and get a job and whatnot.

And talk to her maybe about how her boyfriends tend to dominate her life and she makes bad choices around them and she's so much cooler and more awesome than being defined by her guy. Which she is.

Also, quit dating guys that chew tobacco.

Yikes! Bad offer.

I wouldn't go that far. It seemed at the time like it could work out OK. Just because it didn't, doesn't mean it was destined not to.

Anyway, Suzi, I do agree that you are well within your rights to tell him it's time to go. Dude has long overstayed his welcome.

I wouldn't go that far. It seemed at the time like it could work out OK. Just because it didn't, doesn't mean it was destined not to.

I've seen so many of these situations go south in a hurry. In fact, Suzi had a similar issue when K-Bug was in high school and her friend needed a place to stay.

Not to be all critical of Suzi. I do admire the impulse to extend yourself and help people.

And yet - some people don't have their shit together and will just take and take in those circumstances.

The friend in high school was different and I'm the one who offered that time. We were going to be her legal guardians. It didn't work out but I don't regret any of that.

This time. I probably should have said no at the start. But I didn't. I am going to need to make her take time away from him to talk with me. Or I may need to just lay it out to him directly. I'm just so annoyed with their behavior this afternoon. K is a mutual friend. We had planned this afternoon as a way to spend time with her and it might as well have just been K and me. I don't think the bf spoke to K directly even once. Again my frustration level is high right now. I will talk with them when I can be a bit more level headed.

Added argggggg. She came out of her room for the potty and I beckoned her over when she was done. I started to bring up some of the issues and low and behold, he comes out to sit with us. A few minutes later I said I had something to show her in my room so I could finish my thoughts. Who knows where it will go from here but I don't think my issues were new ideas for her

but I don't think my issues were new ideas for her

Because she's been avoiding this inevitable conversation.

Good lord, a thunderstorm. I don't think I've ever heard one in December.

But I'm very glad it's not snow out there, we'd be talking in the feet. Lord, the mountains--but that's where feet of snow need to be.