Thanks, everyone.
Is there any way to convince your father that no place is going to make her happy or turn her back into the woman she used to be, but at least she's safe at the residential facility? I've seen some pretty hard cases change their minds after a few weeks in a facility, but she's not going to do any adjusting if she's focused on leaving.
I called his cell about an hour ago, on the off chance he had it on, and I managed to talk with him for a few minutes. OK, I mostly talked and he mostly listened. But he seemed pretty calm, agreed that the move was the right thing to do, and didn't give any indication that he was about to cave to her. I reminded him of the time he got her to quit smoking (in the end, he had to threaten to leave her), and said this might be like that.
And then I talked to her, and she had no memory of the new place, and yet was all spun up about the mess of the old place and how fast we could sell the old furniture there. It was very odd.
So while she's going to be awful for a while, I'm much more comfortable with Dad's position. I don't think he's going to back down, it's just that his in-the-moment strategies for managing her are not very helpful. For a man who's been married to the same woman for 55 years, he's remarkably good at saying exactly the wrong thing to her.
the people from intervention need to be called in to talk to your dad. talking to mom is pointless, but I thik at this point he is not grasping how much damage he is doing by enabling.
Goodness Consuela has she been like this your whole life?
Can you imagine actually having Jeff Van Vonderen on call in your life? That would be amazing. "Mo-OM! It's not that.... you know what? Talk to Jeff."
ICON - 4 of the 7 books I listed on Amazon over the break have sold and the 2 things I relisted on ebay sold. So pleased. only about $15, but still.
What show were some of you guys describing as having indistinguishable guys?
I know that sleeping pills can gradually lose efficacy, but would they have rebound effects?
What show were some of you guys describing as having indistinguishable guys?
I feel like it was
Nashville.
Consuela, strength to you and yours. I realized when my Mom was so close to death a few years back, that she was operating in a logic-free space where her emotional back was to the wall. I felt like the worst caretaker in the world!
Even though she had next to no dementia, which could have only made it much, much worse.
(I'm beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be kinder to lie to your Mom, that the apartment was damaged in an earthquake, so she's in temporary housing until it can be repaired. Repeat as necessary.)
My Mom and her siblings lied to my Grandmother after they got her moved into the assisted living (Grandma had dementia and couldn't remember anything for more than a few minutes). Basically told her the house was sold when it wasn't. It was in the process of being sold (my Aunt had PoA of my Grandma's affairs). They also lied to her about her brother, he was her only suriving sibling. When he died they told her once but she was so upset that they just said he was in a good place after that. (They lived in different states).
