Steph, that is an amazing dress, and it's a faultless choice for you. You will look amazing.

Teppy, you are going to be one gorgeous bride.

As for gender performativity--I felt that being a girl was the best possible scenario, since it meant I could do anything, wear anything, be anything. Whereas boys had so much they couldn't do or wear.

That's kind of how I always felt, growing up. Also, in retrospect, I'm astonished at how much my parents didn't push any gender norms on me. I never felt there was anything I couldn't do because I was a girl. Also, I never had any sense that there was anything odd about playing with GI Joe and with Barbie.

In much sadder news, it's finally sinking in that I may only have a few more weeks with my beloved kitty. He's still perky and loving, but he's having difficulty eating. He WANTS to eat and has no trouble swallowing, but is increasingly having trouble getting food into his mouth. I may have to feed by syringe, which I'm willing to do if he's still enjoying life otherwise (which he very much is right now).

Wow, it's not being a good spring for kitties. Huggles to them all and their people.

I never felt there was anything I couldn't do because I was a girl.

That was pretty much me. It's hard to say how much all-girls schools from 11-18 affected that, because I was set in my ways from I held the sports car next to the baby dolls (everything for me was to facilitate playing house or a weapon--if I wasn't reading or drawing, those were the things I liked to do the most). My posters in my bedroom were politicians, dreamy singers, athletes, and cars.

What's the buzz around Now You See Me? I realise I don't want to see Mark Ruffalo outsmarted, which is weird given I think this is my first emotion about him.

Shit, I had a Genius Store appointment for six, but if I put on pants (I've taken off the outside ones, while I waffle) I suspect they will be the one pair for the night.

Yeah, Steph that dress is gorgeous, & both the color and style are perfect for you.

My parents had three girls, so they never compared us in terms of looks, never said one was prettiest, never were particularly concerned with looks themselves. But I grew up in LA, and the whole culture here is so oriented towards looks, so that soaked in a bit. Ah well.

I am in San Diego at a west coast swing convention all weekend. Problem being that the one person I know here and her friends have very different plans for this convention than I do--I want to take the workshops and watch some dancing and do a little. They want to sleep all day and do the open dancing all night long. Which is awkward both for sleeping arrangements and for knowing anyone to dance with. Sigh.

I still watch Greys but haven't this week.

My weekend includes the symphony tonight, working a big ass garage sale tomorrow, and, hopefully, basking in Mother's Day goodness on Sunday.

My OT was over two weeks so not absolutely horrific but still way more than my norm. The extra pay will likely go to some bills and upgrading to an iPhone 5. Maybe.

Steph, that is SUCH a great dress for you.

I can't remember the first time the Body Image Monsters appeared in my psyche. It feels like they've always been there.

I'm sorry, Anne. I know.

My weekend is lots of hockey and more cigar box work. And it might rain! In which case I will actually finally do the weeding I've been putting off.

I don't remember any childhood self-image crises, but that's mostly because I was petted and admired a lot as a kid; it wasn't until much later that I pinged some of that (not all) as orientalism and novelty. It wasn't until puberty, when I wasn't actually getting attention from the boys I was boy crazy about that I started to put together that there was a difference about me.

My cycle was opposite Jesse's. My 7th grade photo looks years older than my 8th grade photo. I had just moved schools, and had decided to reinvent my goody-two-shoes weirdo Jesus freak image. So it's all permed and makeuped and jewelry'd and short skirts and soft focus smile. I climbed the social ladder at my new school, reached the top lunch table and the best party invitations, realized the people there were vapid and uninteresting, and never bothered with them again. By 8th grade my photo is all suntanned and makeup-free and casual, because I said screw it, and spent all the time I wanted to romping around in the woods. Then in high school I met my group of misfits, including the knife-wielding boy, avoided the lunchroom, and lived happily ever after.

So all my clothes then were whatever I wanted to wear, which included my dad's awesome 70's pale blue and green suit jackets and ties over white t-shirts and jeans with rolled cuffs and those little white tennis shoes. Yes. And then there was grunge. So.

I always played with androgyny, but not seriously until after I was married. Bless the SO who liked the early 90's protoypical girl and liked the surly pixie cut button-downs woman and liked the neo-hippie and the circle-pit pseudo-military punk.

So I toyed with conventionality, but ultimately decided it wasn't really for me. I feel like I kinda went through that again recently with the pretty long hair, which was nice enough, and complimented, but made me feel...not like me. With my current hair and the tour clothes I've been buying (stripey!) I feel like I'm happy with myself as who I am.