I don't wanna Monday morning. Too soon

I have found the perfect Christmas present for at least 2 people on my list: a pi plate. [link]

Is anyone else watching this Liz and Dick movie on Lifetime?

I just saw a great thing on tumblr:

canon jesus is way cooler than fanon jesus

canon jesus was a sassy middle eastern guy who literally said “did i fucking stutter” and hung out with prostitutes

fanon jesus is just some boring white guy who sits around hugging lambs

Of course I lost the source already. Edit: ha! [link]

Canon Jesus got pissed at a fig tree and cursed it.

I kind of love that. It makes me feel so better about myself when I get pissed at an inanimate object.

Also, it proves that Phelps et al. can't spell -- God hates FIGS.

So my takeawy from T-day is that Mom has been thinking of divorcing Dad for the past two years, Dad is defensive of his loss of hearing and refuses to address it, and lil' bro refuses to move out until Mom has her weight down and can live on her own and her weight doesn't pose a threat to her health via diabtetes. 1) Mom has been trying to lose weight for the past thirty years, and 2) so not my problem. If they want to split, then they split, I only hope it's thought through to the point of living arrangements and income, because no way is she moving in with me. For my dad, my only concern is how sad he'll be to lose homecooked meals.

But I think my lil' bro has become too invested in these old people's lives over his own. Dude, walk away. Get. The. Fuck. Out.

But he's got his own brand of senility, thinking he'll inherit the house and be able to keep it on his waiter's paycheck.

In a way, I wished my mum would die soonish so that Nate has no more excuses not to venture out into the big wide world of the independent adults. He's thirty and he's never left home. But he's (justifiably) terrified about Mom and what a fucknut Dad will be when she's infirm (his cure for when she's having difficulty walking is to yank her along).

And older bro is stealing their checkbook and writing cash out to himself.

Joy.

I'm giving my poopy brothers One Drop for Christmas.

Edit: "Heh" at STEPH. Juliebird, that sounds like a lot of suck.

Also, it proves that Phelps et al. can't spell -- God hates FIGS.

Heh.

I don't wanna Monday morning. Too soon

Word, Lee. Word.

ION, I just saw the ad for Jack Reacher for the first time, and I cannot express how upsetting it is. TOM FUCKING CRUISE???????

I need to remove it from my mind.

I need to remove it from my mind.

Think about Angry Jesus and the fig tree. It's very soothing.