Sometimes I borrow trouble
Yeah, don't do that. (oh yeah, I have too.) Now granted, I've been basically having to face that since the new year if not longer, and while it probably eased me into monday, it was living with a constant niggling dread and sorrow. But don't borrow that until it is actually a near reality.
I won't lie, it has been a relief since monday night to not live with the impending dread of making the call. I have not had good focus on much of anything since this became my reality (just ask anyone I talk to regularly.) It made the call a little harder to make, knowing *I* was getting relieved of that dread. For an outcome I didn't want anyway. Funny, that. Which is why I had to talk it out with Dr. Berry, god love him for taking the time with me.
But now I'm where I am and bottom line is I just miss her, and I will and it'll alleventually become fond memory rather than this void with pointy sticks.
Uhg. Sorry. Apparently still getting through this.
I'm currently at the ANZAC Day March. We decided Ryan was old enough for it this year. He's quite keen on the marching bands, especially the one playing Waltzing Matilda. The marching group I've found most moving so far is the Turkish subgroup of the Victorian R.S.L. They were carrying a banner with this quote from Ataturk: [link] I used them to help explain to Ryan that people could fight and later become friends.
Meanwhile, Biyi was commenting on a sign carried by one of the marching bands, that included Korea in its theatres. One of the organisers let her know that there was a Korean Battalion marching a little distance away, if she and her parents would like to go and see. She replied, "We'd better not, we were the enemy in that one!"
God, in highschool sometimes I'd have fits where I'd imagine if my parent's died and bawl myself to sleep.
I think I've reached the point where I have enough to cry about without the help (especially this week/month/year).
So sorry, Sara. I know I didn't say that before.
I really like ANZAC biscuits! They're even better if you add ginger!
Julie, it's fine. And I totally did that too. Do that. Sometimes, shit just gets to much, I need a bawl but I can't, so I go all negative nellie and whammo.
People know about this, right?
Texts From Superheroes
People know about this, right?
Well, I do now. I'll be back in a while...
Borrowing trouble is bad. The interest rate is horrific.
My mom's health was failing so bad in the last year that I reflected that if she were a cat, I'd have to put her down to be a responsible pet owner.
I did not share this thought with any relatives.
The thing with cats and dogs and small pets is that they live totally in the moment, without dread of mortality or concept of personal death. They may fear being hurt, and endure great discomfort and pain with stoic acceptance and misery. It's us, the human owners who fear their deaths and also have to make the decision when they've had enough.
Oh shoot, I forgot we're having a blood drive today, and I'm not sure I can push my sleeve up enough! Well, it'll be fine for the stick, but I don't know about the BP test.
Took me an hour to discover I'd left my lunch at home. At least it is so close I can go and grab it later?
