Posted because my analyst is out today:

So, my one sister was spending her Thanksgiving at her in-laws, and my other sister made plans to go on vacation this weekend, so it was just me and my Mom for Thanksgiving yesterday. I took the bus to NJ to my Mom’s, where she had made reservations for the two of us at a nearby restaurant.

As we were waiting for our food, my sister calls, and it turns out, my sister never went away on vacation. She had invited my Mom and I to her place, but my Mom declined, without telling me. She unilaterally decided that I wouldn’t want to go, and I wouldn’t have found out if my sister hadn’t called.

Not really my Mom’s fault, but the food was terrible. The turkey was dry and bland. Bleah.

During dinner, we had this conversation:

Mom: So have you talked to your father recently?

Me: No.

Mom: Why not?

Me: Because I don’t like him.

Mom: Why don’t you ?

Me: Because he abused me growing up.

Mom: (confused) He never beat you or anything.

Me: What he did was just as bad as beating me.

Mom: Did he berate you, the way he did your sister?

Me: (getting peeved) You were there.

I have no idea why I should be surprised, but the level of denial on my Mom’s really floored me. My analyst keeps encouraging me to confront my parents, to tell them how I feel, and I had a prime opportunity yesterday, but I didn’t. I shut the conversation down like I usually do. I was pissed, but I held everything in.

In short, worst Thanksgiving ever.

Argh, Tom, that's miserable and frustrating.

In short, worst Thanksgiving ever.

I don't know - it sounds like you broached the subject with your mom more than you have before. You haven't punched your dad (therapeutically) in the face yet, but you're allowing yourself to be angry at them which you didn't use to do.

I agree with David, you did start confronting it - you brought it up to her - you SAID you didn't like him. I think that is HUGE.

Why would you mother think you wouldn't want to go to your sisters? Or did SHE not want to go?

I agree with David, you did start confronting it - you brought it up to her - you SAID you didn't like him. I think that is HUGE.

All of this.

Yes, and you reminded her she was there and so did not let her off the hook. That's pretty awesome.

Ah Tom, I am so sorry.

Yeah, if it's just one thing more than you've said to her before (or one thing repeated), it's still one thing! Which is more than zero things. I'm just saying.

No, it will be under the coat. I figure that's about as much as they can expect from me.

At least there's a coat!

Why would you mother think you wouldn't want to go to your sisters? Or did SHE not want to go?

I don’t really understand what goes on in her head, but I guess the latter.

I am dressed and ready to go. Except I don't have to leave for ten minutes, so I'm hot.

I'm sorry you had a stressful day, Tom. Family is crazy.