The worst is talking to a "health coach" on the phone from the insurance company--who is not a licences nutritionist, nurse or psychologist. And she says--get this: "Well, we'd really like for your waist to be under 40 inches."

Really? "WE'D" like that? Do WE have to go swimsuit shopping with this giant gut? Bleh.

Oh, and Olivia told me she was "spying on us" last night. When I asked her how she said, "oh, those noises you make. Were you really happy or something?"

Wonderful.

OMG.

Also, in a totally different yet equally sincere way:

OMG.

Delicious Thai food for lunch does not make me want to work anymore. In fact, I want to do virtually nothing. Poop!

I just want to yell, "FUCK YOU GUYS, I HAVE A GLANDULAR PROBLEM!"

HAH.

Were you really happy or something?"

And oh, dear.

So glad I dressed decently today: I'm meeting a former coworker for drinks and while she markets at me (she works for a consulting firm) I'm going to be sounding her out about the hiring situation at her firm. I figure that there's a 30% chance I'll be looking for a new job in the next couple of months...

Good luck networking, Consuela!

If I didn't have practice tonight, I'd crack open the bourbon.

The doctor wants to insert electrodes into my spine, and a battery pack into my ass.

Did he offer a persuasive argument?

Were you really happy or something?

Ok, yes, laughed out loud.

Consuela - if you would ever consider coming to my company, let me know. I can put in a referral for you.

Hi people, I see I have missed many posts while I was away, and will miss many more while I play catch up for work and house keeping. But trying to skim and keep up with the reading, if not the replying.

Suzi, thanks! In fact, the friend I'm meeting tonight was at your firm--the Oakland office--for several years. Now she's at E2 in Emeryville, which just opened an environmental planning shop.

That said, I'm less optimistic than I was a year ago: when I had lunch with my old boss a few weeks back, he said there have been a lot of layoffs lately, at a number of local firms. The ARRA work is drying up, and without that, not as much public work is getting done.

The solution is to place a couple paddles on either side of my spinal cord where the pain is most...painy, and that needs a power source, and the best place to hide it (because I'm a young woman, and I'd want to wear evening wear) is in my butt.

Which is like announcing: "No man is ever going to see you naked again, because if he's not put off by the wiring, he might yank some out in his cyborg-induced frenzy of lust."

There is a test period where I'd carry the battery and the control module (which has buttons--I would now be programmable) on my belt.

I cannot imagine this costing less than six million dollars, to be honest.

This guy has done a shitload of procedures on me--this year and before. Most of them do have a clear positive impact (even the nerve block this year which hasn't worked properly--it's worked some, but absolutely not as well as any of the previous times he's done it), so he's historically trustworthy.

But I don't want to be bionic...

I just re-read a work email I wrote late one weekend night, and I signed off ita !

I hope no one noticed...