That said, I know it's ridiculous to expect people to have to stop and decipher my body language, and I need to just say right away that I'm fine with hugging (and/or ask them if they're fine with hugging).

Eh, I don't know about that. Social cues go both ways. If someone's walking up with open arms and the other person doesn't make a move to hug back, don't hug them!

I'm reading along and nodding where appropriate, and learning from different experiences.

Me too. Also, super grateful to my mom for explicitly telling me that any emotions I had were ok to feel and express or not express as I wanted. Good job, Mom.

Bok choy stir-fried with bacon, eggs, soy sauce and ginger is entirely delicious and probably healthy and, maybe most importantly, made a serious dent in my fresh produce haul from last week.

Ooh, that sounds good, too! I will remember for when I get bok choy.

Heh, just noticed that my tag is on topic!

I used to glom people all the time, it was part of my personality to hug. Hug=instant acceptance, you have to un-earn access to a hug by unacceptable behavior--and even then, if you're contrite about it, hug. But that was before I learned that hugs do make some people uncomfortable.

I'd held a correspondence with someone for years, exchanged most intimate information, cried on each other's metaphorical shoulders, been bulwarks for each other. And I knew that she had body-touching issues and hugs made her uncomfortable. So the first time we met, I beamed at her and bobbed in place and did everything but wriggle like a puppy to let her know how glad I was to finally meet her. And she reached out her arms and glommed me.

So, you just never know.

There were a couple of guys where I worked, back before the harrassment became a legal issue, there were a couple of guys who were very good at reading body language, and whose hugs were almost always welcome. And of course there was the guy who tried to do the same, and he always just felt...wrong. Nice guy, but not a natural hugger.

One of the conventions I attend every year has a sticker system people can use to indicate if they want to be hugged. (Green means yes, yellow means ask first and red means no)

Wow, that wedding invitation...sniff...Why are my allergies acting up?

I was always afraid I'd be a parent like my parents. I come from a long line of crazy, and I thought it better to end the chain.

My parents are pretty great in many ways. Don't get me wrong, I am completely damaged by them but hey, they're good people. The thing that I found was a big barrier between me and my parents was that they were older when I was born, and very much of a different era. Not only were they 40 and 41, but they were rural, Catholic, and brought up during the depression. (Also, in retrospect, my mom probably had untreated anxiety all her life that caused her to be crazy overprotective.) So the generation gap felt like a chasm. Also, they were the age of most of my friends grandparents. I decided in my twenties, that if I didn't have kids by the time I was 30, I'd never have kids. It's only in the last couple of years that I've ever questioned the wisdom of this, but it's not like I was ever in a place to have babies anyway. And I am 99.9% content with not having kids.

The only thing I resent about my parents is that I was pegged as "the good kid" in the family. So any time I acted up or got in fights with my siblings, it was seen as the last straw. I never really felt like I had the right to get mad. (Though I got mad plenty.) Even today, I am the calm, mature one.

I am definitely conflict avoidant, but I am also not a pleaser. Generally, in awkward situations, I am just avoidant. I've tried to make a conscious decision to be polite and considerate when I can...everybody's got their own shit going on, why dump yours on them too. But it doesn't mean I slip into bitch mode or am thoughtless at times. And it doesn't mean I'm not secretly judging you either!

Since I can't say this on FB:

Our community is burning. There is a "firestorm" that is scary as hell and 32,000 people have been evacuated. This community, especially this home of focus on the family, had better be in favor of big government. Big government is saving our asses tonight.

Eta: and thank you firefighters. What a horrible dangerous dirty hot sweaty job.

I've been wondering about that fire, Stephanie, and concerned for how you're doing. Have you had to evacuate?

Holy crap Steph. Glad you're safe. Are you evacuated?