I used to get all upset at people who responded to my difficulty to getting pregnant with "you should just adopt."

Oh yes. Because that process is easier? Bah.

I am wiped out but good today.

Yeah, they're definitely not people who've been adopted or have adopted. They're usually well-meaning friends with biological babies.

What's interesting is that in my bio-mother's immediate family (herself and siblings), there are literally more babies adopted out than not. She, her identical twin sister, and their baby brother had 5 kids among them adopted out. I am not even counting myself because my grandfather adopted me, so I stayed in the family. Counting me, six of 8 of my cousins were adopted out. Three stranger adoptions, two step-parent adoptions (my aunt and my uncle both had children with others and relinquished all rights and allowed the new parent to adopt - never to see their offspring again).

I used to get all upset at people who responded to my difficulty to getting pregnant with "you should just adopt."

Oh yes. Because that process is easier? Bah.

Thank you, Kat.

Oh, good, I think that's what I had in mind when I was trying to think of something I could make with bok choy and eggs. And I have bacon in the freezer. Dinner, ahoy!

Woot!

Although I should have made more greens, because I'm still hungry.

Yeah, they're definitely not people who've been adopted or have adopted. They're usually well-meaning friends with biological babies.

The adoption process isn't easy, and I would be willing to bet a lot of people with bio-kids know it (I do, anyway), but I guess my point earlier was that if you really want a child, that is a legitimate way to go about it. It might not be quick or hassle-free, but it can certainly be done.

We have friends here who wanted a baby. They weren't able to have one naturally, so they tried adopting. The waiting list within Australia was so long that they applied to adopt a baby from China. The bureaucratic nightmare that ensued, on the part of both countries, finally led them to give up on that avenue. They now have a baby girl, born via a surrogate mother in the US.

Funny that moms and orange julius came up on the same thread cause mine says I owe my life to Juliuses cause they were all she wanted while pregnant with me.

I keep hoping I'll have a story like that.

P-C, your love story will be funny and charming and quirky and awesome. I can't imagine it any other way.

I was always afraid I'd be a parent like my parents. I come from a long line of crazy, and I thought it better to end the chain.

O HAI, my choice not to have kids. That said, I do think my brother will be a fantastic dad, assuming he can handle the ongoing not-drinking thing.

For most of my life, I couldn't express any anger toward my family without immediately "taking it back", excusing them with an explanation of their actions and understanding how *they* felt. It was so hard to just to say how I felt and not defend them from my awful, mean, disrespectful feelings. I was never allowed to express any feeling that might have upset someone.

That's pretty much exactly how I was raised, right down to the "disrespectful." Anything I expressed that my mom didn't like was "disrespectful." I imagine I was *actually* disrespectful from time to time, like normal human kids are, but I really don't think my life from age 1 to 30 was one long unbroken line of foul-mouthed thoughtless disregard for her. That's unpossible. Except in her eyes. t /raised by a narcissist

I also feel like I have to be cnstantly managing other peoples' emotional responses to me - to make them happy with me or at least make them benignly ignore me. I have to be invisible, or I have to be bright and cheery and clever and fun and pretty and happy-making. This is exhausting and I lose the ability to keep it up pretty quickly

This is a large part of why I can't handle medium-to-large groups any more. I feel like everyone WANTS something from my soul, like I'm responsible for their feelings and I'm obligated to entertain, or just to *be* however they want me to be. (And the goddamn hugging.)

I need to stop caring how they feel and whether they like me. (Which sounds callous, but I trust you know what I mean.)

Oh, yeah, this too. In fact, I suspect if I stopped worrying that I was hurting people's delicate baby feelings by declining a hug, I'd be 50% better with groups.

Did I mention here, I am not very huggy really, but I hugged Tom Scola in NYC last month and he is a truly excellent hugger. Like, it was really comforting to hug him, and I am not very huggy.

Karl is like that. But I would happily hug Scola and compare, if he would like. I don't always enjoy that kind of thing either, either because I'm not comfortable, or maybe some people aren't good at it?