Willow ,'Lies My Parents Told Me'
Off-topic discussion. Wanna talk about corsets, duct tape, or physics? This is the place. Detailed discussion of any current-season TV must be whitefonted.
Grandma ~ma, msbelle! And doctor's appointment ~ma for mac.
Why does "tossing salad" mean that other thing that "tossing salad" means?
I have no idea. I'm not sure I know what the other tossing a salad means, in fact. I'm way behind on the sex slang, woes.
One of the things is means is literal, right??
~ma to all family members in need, as there seem to be a lot right now, woe.
I was complaining in the Movies thread about The Hunger Games making me so nauseated that I had to leave the theater. Which is true, but I suspect it was exacerbated by yet another difficult conversation with our parents about bringing in more help.
Seems my dad had a meeting with a neurologist last week, who immediately called my sister and expressed concern about Dad's condition, what with all the stress of being Mom's full-time caregiver.
I keep thinking I should step up and offer to live with them, and then I remember that I have a full-time job, and they would need help during the day anyway, and it would make me miserable. So once more into the breach of trying to find help, and lots of horrible conversations. Argh.
Consuela, I really recommend talking to folks at the Alzheimer's Association about strategies for helping them get help. I'm sure your local has a Helpline you can call, if you don't want to join a group or whatever.... Because ugh.
I wholeheartedly agree with Jesse -- people who have been there and done that are going to offer better advice and the sympathy that only comes with bitter experience.
Happy anniversary, Erin! I love reading about how happy you are with D.
Much ~ma for your grandma, msbelle.
Suela, I have no advice, except to say stay strong on the not-moving-in-with-your-folks front. From everything you've said here, that would be no good for any of you. You need your own space to relax and recharge. I hope you can find a decent solution soon.
I keep thinking I should step up and offer to live with them
Just being their daughter doesn't make you qualified or capable of being the caregiver. Often it makes you less qualified because objectivity goes out the window. The times I have been in that role it was made clear to me that if I was exhausted and/or miserable it was not doing the patient or me any good at all. Better to be the one that brings cheer and good company than the one that bugs them about taking their meds.
Yes, I was going to suggest just that. Please follow up with the Alzheimer's Association. Also, please know that it's possible further discussions with your parents are just going to increase their stress and yours. I know it's tougher because cognitively your father is in better shape than your mom, but with persons with dementia, talking about things before they happen (and trying to get them to accept changes) actually makes it worse for all involved. Sometimes the changes just have to be made.
I speak from 9 years of experience working with seniors, about half of whom lived in the "Meadow Wing" of the assisted living. They "live" in the immediate present and the past, but cannot really comprehend reality when it comes to their futures. Even good news, if it's about the future, can be a stress point (because if it's something like "grand kids will be visiting tomorrow!" their sense of time is not linear anymore and they will literally sit staring out a window for the grand kids for the next 24 hours. And feel very agitated when they don't show).
Just being their daughter doesn't make you qualified or capable of being the caregiver. Often it makes you less qualified because objectivity goes out the window. The times I have been in that role it was made clear to me that if I was exhausted and/or miserable it was not doing the patient or me any good at all. Better to be the one that brings cheer and good company than the one that bugs them about taking their meds.
And this. Laura is so right.
And you're the kind of loving daughter who wants to make sure everyone agrees with everything and you have total buy-in from them before any changes are made. I get that. But I think you'll drive yourself mad without some professional guidance from AA or a social worker/ombudsmen. And it might be easier for your dad to swallow the news if it's coming from a disinterested person outside of the family.
Happy Anniversary, Erin!
Grand~ma, msbelle.
'Suela, you may already know of some of these associations and resources, but you can find lots of good stuff on aging parents and parents with mental impairments here: [link] One of the women I work with holds conferences and classes on Alzheimer's and I've asked her if she knows of more resources in the Bay area that may be available to you. Good luck.